Articles, Blog

Top Gun – NES – Angry Video Game Nerd – Episode 10


Top Gun sort of marks the beginning of a genre. It was one of the first flight simulation games for the Nintendo Entertainment System or at least one of the most commonly referred to. We obviously know that it ain’t got shit compared with games today for that reason, You might think it’s not worth complaining about. But no. It sucks ass now, and it sucked ass back then. Check it out. Mission one is training for the next mission. Okay, sounds simple enough. So you get a choice of missiles. So which rather Have more or Less. What kind of fucking choice is that? Pick more! I mean the idea is that the fewer missiles is more powerful, but guess what: Whenever you shoot an enemy plane all it takes is one shot to blow them up. Even your regular machine gun bullets taken down in one shot, So what’s the point? and I love all the useless information on the control board: Altitude, Speed I mean really, what does it matter? and look at all the gauges on the right just for decoration. The first thing that really sucks about the gameplay is just the fact that it’s boring. 90% of the time you’re just flying into a blank sky as little pieces of cotton come flying at you Yes, I know they’re supposed to be clouds. also notice the absence of music: I know the developers were trying to make something new to make it realistic, but what we get is a game that makes you feel like you’re in this blank mindless void like if purgatory exists. This is what it is: Top Gun for the NES. I’d rather fly a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong. Uh Oh. I’m really fucked now, I got a land on an aircraft carrier a feat: that’s impossible! your radar monitor gives you instructions on how to land but no matter what you do: you still crash. You know, it’s like every time I get to this part I think I might have a chance. This is going to be it. Finally going to land the plane. Speed Down! Left! Left! Speed Up! Right! Right! Speed Up! Speed Down! Left! Left! Speed Up! Speed Down! Up! Up! up-up, I’m hitting up! ASS! FUCK! it’s impossible. I mean, why is it so hard, I mean I guess because they were trying to make it realistic, like if you were actually trying to land on a real aircraft carrier, but I highly doubt that, any of this game is like really flying a plane. So even though I crashed it only takes a life away and it stills let me continue to the next level. Mission 2: Destroy an enemy aircraft carrier. All right, fine. As long as I don’t have to fucking land on it. Now the only difference with the second level is that you’re below the clouds and you can now see the water. Basically it’s just a darker colored blue in the sky. Stay the fuck away, there’s battleships that shoot the shit out of you. You’re best off just flying into the sky the whole time. Now halfway through this level, your fuel starts to run out. So this refuelling plane comes and you have to control its nozzle. So just like landing the plane this is impossible. and I’ve never once done it, you just have to be lucky. I mean your accuracy has to be 100% perfect and really, I don’t have a fucking clue how it works. Down! Down! Speed Up! Down! Down! Left! Left! Up! Up! Speed Up! Left! Left! Down! Down! Up! Up! Left! Left! Right! Right! Up! Up! Left! Left! Down! Down! Up! Up! What the fuck!? What was I supposed to do? Then, now look at the plane. It just goes away like: “Fuck him!”, I mean they just leave you out here to die. At this point it should just say “Game Over”, but instead it allows you to play for a little longer which is pointless. You’re done for, the refuelling plane doesn’t come back and within minutes your fuel runs out and you finally lose. And that’s as far as I ever got, what a shitload of fuck. This game chews turds, this game sucks your balls off and spits them up your ass. Now I know there’s only four levels in the game so it’s kind of the same deal as Karate Kid. It’s a short game but it’s as hard as a fucking T-Rex’s shit. Now because I’ve never passed that refuelling plane, I’ve never seen the last two levels. So, what I’ve decided to do here is to create my own version of what I think, the last two levels may be like. Mission 3: Blow Shit Up! Mission 4: Vent Your Anger and Destroy the TV (SCREAMS) DIE!!!!! Hadouken! Soooooonic Booooooom!!! Well,You just haven’t had enough fun torturing yourself with this awful game? and you still want some more? Well guess what? You’re in luck. There’s a sequel, Top Gun: The Second Mission. Which doesn’t really make much sense because it sounds like you’re talking about the second mission in the first Top Gun. So whatever, what does be mission 5 and up? Even the tops of the game cartridges look completely identical. “Top Gun” and “Top Gun” If you have a microscope, you might be able to read the second mission under there. Now to tell you the truth, the second Top Gun isn’t as bad as the original. But it sure is a hell of a lot fucking harder if you could actually believe that. The game plays a lot faster, you can fly upside-down and spin around although I don’t really know if the point of that is. And there’s also not as many dead spots where you’re just waiting for something to happen and looking for enemies. Here, your enemies come after you right away and they just blow you out of the sky. So you have to really think fast. THe missiles are really hard to dodge and just like the first time, one missile is enough to kill you. But this time, they’re even worse because they’re faster and they don’t seem to come anywhere near as close as they did before. In the original Top Gun, when a missile hits you it looks like this and in the sequel, it looks like this. Much farther away, so if you play the original first, you’re going to be really disoriented that you have so much less time to get out of the way. Besides, they still look like bowling balls on fire. I never made it past the first stage but that’s also because I don’t have the patience for this crap. Now adding to this game there’s a versus mode, the one player game where you battle the computer is impossible. Your opponent just disappears right away, he flies right behind you and then blast your ass to oblivion. And the two-player game is what it is, just two players shoot each other up. And the one thing I find really disappointing is that after you blow up your opponent you see them escape in a parachute. And you don’t want that to happen, you want to see them die. Anyway, that’s all I have to say about this garbage. Fuck balls.

100 thoughts on “Top Gun – NES – Angry Video Game Nerd – Episode 10

  1. ASS!!
    FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
    IT SAYS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

  2. Hmm. Watching this, it really resembles modern Ace Combat games.
    It allows you to select more, weaker missiles or less, stronger missiles.
    It allows h+v movement with constant forward movement.
    It offers similar gameplay.
    Perhaps the controls are inferior, as are the graphics, et cetera. But it is an early example of such a game.

  3. I was pretty good at landing the plane. The part that was ass was trying to refuel the damn plane! I got it a few times but damn was it hard.

  4. Actually the altitude and speed on the hud for this game made me want to be a Pilot. And Im currently a pilot for DELTA AIRLINES for the last 16 years…

  5. I’m sorry, but if you think “up” means “press the up button to do a nosedive” in a vehicular flight simulator of any kind, then that’s on you.

  6. I had this game and one called Stealth. Stealth ATF was way better. Unlike this one, you can fly in any direction like an 8-bit version of an Ace Combat game.

  7. This game was my childhood but I played it on the famicom. It had bitchin music during missions but I always struggled to get the refueling done properly. I did manage to land it though, it's easy once you understand the instructions 🙂

  8. Little did James know that all it would take to finally land the plane…was to attempt it with the power glove. DANGER ZONE!!!

  9. Well… I know you was trying to be funny, but this game is not that bad. I landed in only two tries, you must accelerate with A and brake with B.

  10. thought I was the only person who couldn't land. kinda mad you didn't show us what it looks like if you did land

  11. OMG I remember playing this before I could read. Every time I went to land the jet on the carrier, DAD WHAT DOES IT SAY? WHAT DOES IT SAY??

  12. I played that game for a month… I actually landed the plane on aircraft carrier perfectly one time and then I threw the piece of shit out the window and never Play It Again. I think I would rather wire brush A Wildcats ass then ever touch that game again… I'd rather fuck a cobra right in the mouth

  13. 2:56 is one of my favorite moments in the series history. I love that so damn much. "Asss! FUCK!" I found a 10 hour loop of the Nerd saying "Ass!" and played it throughout class in my sophomore year. Good times.

  14. Uhhhh….I used to play this game when I was like 5. It was hard as fuck but I could land and refuel and I think you're not realizing you're supposed to push down to go up and up to go down. I'm sure no one gives a shit since this video is 13 years old but whatever.

  15. Mission 3:BLOW SHIT UP!
    Danger Zone starts playing
    Mission 4:VENT YOUR ANGER AND DESTROY THE TV!
    AVGN:DIIIEEEEE!!!
    He punches the tv screen,hadoukens it,and sonic booms it

  16. The game ain’t that difficult to land the plane. It’s not rocket science, maintain altitude and air speed. How hard can it be? Even a 12 year old (which was me at the time when I played originally 30 years ago) could do it.

  17. @1:25 tells you all you need to know if he's gonna be able to land the plane or not. People that know this game know exactly what I mean 🤣🤣

  18. Regarding the absence of music ingame, I feel that there isn't much of an excuse. This is a Konami game, by the same company who also made VRC6 and VRC7 synthesizers for NES games. Soundtrack on 2a03, SFX on VRC6.

  19. I hope for a videogame adaptation of Top Gun: Maverick too. It should be crappy and it should be reviewed by the AVGN, of course.

  20. Hope that there will be a better game based on Top Gun 2, which will be shown next year, on Nintendo switch, PS4 and on Steam

  21. Yeah that game god i screamed so much cuss words at age 7 my mom took away my game consel an my step dad said it must be easy an he tried for like six mounths an cussed just as much as i did so i got my game counsel back after he agreed it was hard

  22. Nah, you just suck 🤣 I actually liked this game and beat it. But I don't blame you, it took me a while to get it right. 🙂

  23. It's funny cause I know damn well if there was a more modern game with NO ALTITUDE gauges or anything, we would be bitching because it DOESNT have them. Lol

  24. I just noticed both this episode and the previous one were release on September 24, 2006. Did that ever happen any other time where two episodes were released on the same day?

  25. Yup this game sucked ass when someone gave it to me on my birthday around the time it came out and still a giant shit storm in 2019

  26. Landing sucked. I think you use to have to keep the nose up and control everything with speed. If it says down you don't point the nose of the plane down you slow down.. something like that anyway

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *