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The Full Confession of Family Annihilator John List | Confession Letters | Fascinating Horror

Dear Pastor Rehwinkle. I am sorry to add
this additional burden to your work. I know that what has been done is wrong
from all that I have been taught and that any reasons that I might give will
not make it right, but you are the one person that I know that, while not
condoning this, will at least possibly understand why I felt that I had to do
this. One. I wasn’t earning anywhere near enough to support us. Everything I tried
seemed to fall to pieces. True, we could have gone bankrupt and maybe gone on
welfare. Two. But that brings me to my next point.
Knowing the type of location that one would have to live in, plus the
environment for the children, plus the effect on them knowing that
they were on welfare was just more than I thought they could and should endure. I
know they were willing to cut back but this involved a lot more than that. Three.
With Pat being so determined to get into acting
I was also fearful as to what that might do to her continuing to be Christian. I’m
sure it wouldn’t have helped. Four. Also with Helen not going to church I knew
that this would harm the children eventually in their attendance. I had
continued to hope that she would begin to come to church soon, but when I
mentioned her that Mr Jutze said he wanted to pay her an elder’s call she
just blew up and said she wanted her name taken off the church rolls. Again this
could only have an adverse result for the children’s continued attendance.
So that is the sum of it. If any one of these had been the condition we might
have pulled through, but this was just too much. At least I’m certain that all
have gone to heaven now. If things had gone on who knows if this would be the
case. Of course mother got involved because doing what I did to my family
would have been a tremendous shock to her at this age. Therefore, knowing that
she is also a Christian, I felt it best that she be relieved of the troubles of
this world that would have hit her. After it was all over I said some prayers for
them all from the hymn book. That was the least that I could do. Now for the final
arrangements: Helen and the children have all agreed that they would prefer to be
cremated. Please see to it that the costs are kept low. For mother she has a plot
at the Frankenmuth Church Cemetery please contact Mr Herman Schellkas, Route Four, Vassar, Michigan, 41768. He’s married to a niece of mother’s and
knows what arrangements are to be made. She always wanted Reverend Herman Zender
of Bay City to preach the sermon, but he’s not well. Also I’m leaving some
letters in your care please send them on and add whatever comments you think
appropriate. The relationships are as follows: Mrs Lydia Meyer, mother’s sister.
Mrs Eva Meyer, Helen’s mother. Jean Syfert, Helen’s
sister. Also, I don’t know what will happen to
the books and personal things but to the extent possible I’d like for them to be
distributed as you see fit. Some books might go to the school or church library. Originally I had planned this for
November 1st, All Saints Day, but travel arrangements were delayed. I thought it
would be an appropriate day for them to get to heaven. As for me please let me be
dropped from the congregation rolls. I leave myself in the hands of God’s justice
and mercy. I don’t doubt that he is able to help us but apparently he saw fit not
to answer my prayers the way that I hoped they would be answered. This made
me think that perhaps it was for the best as far as the children’s souls are
concerned. I know that many will only look at the additional years they could
have lived… but if finally there were no longer Christians what would be gained?
Also I’m sure many will say, “How could anyone do such a horrible thing?” My only
answer is it isn’t easy and was only done after much thought. Pastor,
Mrs Norris may possibly be reached at 802 Pleasant Hill Drive, Elkin, home of
her sister. One other thing: it may seem cowardly to have always shot from behind,
but I didn’t want any of them to know even at the last second, that I had to do
this to them. John got hurt more because he seemed to struggle longer. The rest
were immediately out of pain. John didn’t consciously feel anything either. Please
remember me in your prayers. I will need them whether or not the government does
its duty as it sees it. I’m only concerned with making my peace with God,
and of this I am assured because of Christ dying even for me. PS: mother is in
the hallway in the attic, third floor. She was too heavy to move.

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