Articles, Blog

The Best Weapon Against Giant Monsters?


If there were monsters to defeat in real life, what weapon would you want? hmm, fair enough.. A big-ass weapon for a big-ass monster? Wait what? Oh this? You mean, a huge version of a sword? Get out. You failed the monster killer exam. Well let’s see, how did humans manage to kill huge animals in the past? In the stone age, for example, when they hunted mammoths they would have several options. For one, they could dig a large pit and cover it in branches and whatnot and lure the mammoth into that. It would fall into the pit and then it could either until it starves to death or otherwise dies from the injuries it might have gotten, or they could have thrown spears at it at leisure and kill it that way. Alternatively, they might chase it to make it expend energy, surround it, throw spears at it, shoot arrows at it, until it’s weak enough that they can close in and skewer it until it’s dead. Picking up a giant, serrated, unwieldy paddle and rushing the monster head-on screaming trying to chop it to pieces, without any semblance of tactics on the other hand, just doesn’t strike me as a very smart idea. You can say, “Ah, whatever, it doesn’t matter, they have super power strength in the games and whatever.” Because they can wield these humongous things that would weigh probably a literal ton and just swing them around as if they weigh nothing. So, OK, they have to be super-powered obviously. They also have to have super-toughness, obviously. Because if they didn’t, then the act of swinging those massive things around – which would generate a lot of force – would just tear their ligaments off and rip their muscles and break their bones and all that. Especially they try to stop them from a full swing. So, yeah, they have to be super heroes all around. At that point, they might as well just walk up to the monster, rip its leg off, and beat it to death with it, I mean come on. Alright so for the sake of the rule of cool let’s assume for a moment that these monster hunter killers do indeed have the strength and toughness required to wield super-sized weapons. Why would they pick a sword? Why would they really? I mean come on, think about it, what is a sword? It’s a weapon specifically designed for fighting other humans with swords and the design is optimised for that. It’s got most of the weight in the hilt which means that the blade is quite agile, doesn’t hit as hard as, for example, an axe because it just doesn’t have as much mass here, but it’s easier to actually fence with against another weapon. Because monsters generally don’t use swords, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. If, however, you flip the balance upside-down, it hits a lot harder. Something like an axe requires a lot more strength to use, and a lot more endurance as well but we’ve already established that’s not a problem with fantasy monster killers, so why would they not want to maximise the amount of damage they can use? If you have that much strength, then put it all into, you know, accelerating this much mass all the way at the end, where the leverage is greatest and where you can strike the hardest. ‘Cuz it’s not like you have to worry about fancy manoeuvres on behalf of the monster. You don’t have to quickly parry or whatever – if you even block or parry at all which doesn’t seem to be a good idea against a huge monster. You don’t have to do it in a fancy duellist’s fashion so something like this would serve a lot better. It’s also worth considering, what do you think concentrates more energy? This, or this? The axe may look smaller overall, but if you think about striking a large monster with a long blade like this, a lot of the blade will be in contact with the monster’s skin at any given time, which means that all of this force you’re putting into it is getting dissipated along most of the blade. On the other hand, if you were to strike with an axe like this, all the force is concentrated on just this short edge here, or even more so, on the spike. So that will penetrate a lot further and do more damage. Of course this also applies to a war hammer like this, I mean these were designed to defeat armour so if you’re going up against a monster with thick dermal plating or something like that, then you could either use the hammer end to try to dent it or crack the plates, or you can use the spike to try to penetrate through, and there’s even a spike on the top if you need to thrust into an eye or something like that. So you have plenty of options if you were to make this a lot larger to suit the strength of that super-powered hero essentially then yeah, you’ve got something to work with. One thing to keep in mind is; it shouldn’t be all too humongously oversized and heavy because if you have an extremely heavy object that you accelerate to a speed high enough to be effective in combat, be it against humans or monsters, you have a lot of force tugging on whoever is swinging that object, so they need to be very heavy, in fact. So, they would have to be super-powered, have super toughness and have super weight as well. So if you were a super hero and insisted on using a weapon of heroic proportions, even though you would probably be powerful enough to just fist bump the monster to death, but you have to look cool at the same time right? Then choosing a polearm would make a whole lot more sense, but of course this entire thing throws the “in real life” part out of the window entirely. So if you were just a regular person well, maybe not regular but within human limits in real life, what would you pick? Certainly not a melee weapon. I mean, if a lazy little tail swipe of the monster will break all your bones then it is absolutely insane to go into melee distance you really have no reason to. I mean, there were ways of dealing with giant things that were hard to destroy in the past, it’s called siege engines. They were there for a reason. A ballista in particular is essentially nothing but a giant crossbow, and in some games you have to do just that, you have to fight your way to the nearest ballista, or catapult or what have you and unleash some punishment on the dragon or whatever it is. Depending on the size of that damn dragon, this might be a toothpick for it, so if you make this thing ten times larger and shoot it from a ballista… yeah this is going to be way more effective than anything you could hope to accomplish in person. I mean we as humans are ingenious at finding ways of compensating for our innate weaknesses. We don’t have teeth and claws, we are not particularly strong compared to many other animals and we have all these limitations and we overcome them with technology, so why would that be any different if suddenly Godzilla appeared? If you have gunpowder, obviously bring out the cannon, or the artillery or the nuke, whatever you have that has the most firepower is what’s needed and if it has to be portable or as portable as possible for some reason, then at least use the strongest possible crossbow that you can build. Make it as large and powerful as you possibly can whilst still being somewhat portable, maybe two people can carry it, something like that if you then have an entire army of super-heavy crossbowmen that all unleash into the belly of the beast then yeah, even the “toothpicks” will probably do something and you should keep in mind that velocity is key. The faster you can make that projectile travel, the more effective it’s going to be. If you think about a little .22 calibre bullet for example, or a .22 Magnum even, they are really tiny but they travel at really fast velocities, and it is enough to rip through a body. So if you are able to accelerate, say, a spear to a thousand/five hundred FPS or something yeah, that would most likely do the job because at that point it has a ton of kinetic energy. So yeah, swords are cool and all, but against giant monsters? Not the best choice in my opinion. In fact, you could even argue that if you were super-powered, you would be better off with a spike. You could just climb on top of the damn thing and find the weak spot, the softest part, and just jam that thing in there and maybe even bring a hammer with you and, you know, stake it essentially, so swords are just better against people not against monsters, although some people are monsters, but let’s leave it at that. Thanks for watching.

100 thoughts on “The Best Weapon Against Giant Monsters?

  1. Interesting how I managed to deeply offend some Monster Hunter fans when the video isn't even about MH in particular. 🙂

    The idea of fighting gigantic monsters with oversized swords and whatnot is a very common fantasy trope. Even though MH requires strategic fighting, plenty of other games go by the formula of "bigger is better, just hit 'em hard". And you've got to admit, charging a mountain of muscle, horns, scales, and claws with a melee weapon just doesn't seem as strategic as hammering them with giant ballista bolts from a distance.

  2. It would be interesting to explore what kind of monsters could be killed by swords, despite swords' disadvantages.
    I wonder if there are accounts of large animals being hunted by swordsmen

  3. When you mentioned climbing the monsters and stabbing their weak point it instantly reminded me of Shadows of the Colossus.

  4. tbh in the realistic scenario I wasn't thinking about anything but a land-bound threat. I would have picked a pike, not an individual but a pike square to both manage the range while also getting moderate damage per stab in (or whatever it is you really do to get the pike to dig into it),

    but then, yeah, ranged weapons like longbows for massed attacks or ballista.

  5. A Gatling gun and an rpg. If those don't do the trick, not a medieval weapon on this planet that could save me.

  6. Pfft use a regular katana. I hear if you casually swing one in the general direction of the monster you'll cut it clean in half and the mountain behind it as well.

  7. Umm if monster apeared at out time i think i would just use a 50. CAL sniper loaded with some armor piercing rounds in case of scales or other armor types on the big monster plus it hits hard and only need accuracy and a bit of diversion so im not the one being targeted and I can just shoot it in the head

  8. I like Dragons dogma point if looking at it, you attack monsters like ants do to crabs and other large animals. They climb on them and start to sting and bite(cut, stab, shoot etc for us) them in weak open areas. Like the eyes, armor openings in the crab(or monster). Now in dragons dogma or tends to be both more complicated because monsters have weapons and magic and simpler because so do you. Its an even playing field until you reach 200lvl that is .

  9. Actually everything you said exist in monster hunter world. The cannons are indeed used in the game. But the point is they are so heavy you can’t bring them in a hunt. So they have portable weapon instead. There’s melee weapon and range weapon. The range are often weaker at giving damage to monster than melee. Because believe or not hunters are so inhumanly powerful the strike from them is stronger than any bullet. So it makes sense for them to use melee weapon. ( hunters are probably not real world human. They are probably a magical race in the game who call themselves human.) Because shooting arrow doesn’t unleash their full physical strength it depends on the strength of your weapon. Giant sword is debatable not a super effective weapon. But it’s just one kind of weapons. They have lance and huge axe as well. So they have every way of fighting.

  10. Monster Hunter pushes stupidity to the outer limits. I'm sorry, but if you attack an elephant head on, no matter how "skilled" or "agile" you are, that elephant will bowl you down. And if you're strong enough to swing a giant, stupid-looking sword, you would have an easier time simply walking up and snapping the elephant's neck. I'm convinced that Monster Hunter fans suffer from "penis-measuring syndrome," or, "PMS" 🤣

  11. I picked a ballista in the beginning of the video.
    A crossbow my size, mounted onto a contraption that allows me to change where it's aiming quickly and wheels so I can push or pull it aling the way.

  12. "You can just fistbump it to death, but you have to look cool doing it right?"
    Anyone who can beat a huge monster to death with their bare hands is cooler than any weapon wielder in my book.
    Dimitri beating a demonic beast to death unarmed comes to mind

  13. I would use a RPG-7 if I was going up against a dragon. It dont matter how hard or thick there scales are a RPG-7 will penetrate it and burn through their internal organs.

  14. Sorry I said crossbow and traps in the beginning so… not a huge as sword cause i would not be able to even lift to a sword like that 😊

  15. scaled/armoured? hammer/axe
    flesh? well, a bow would let you keep distance and would actually hurt it
    flying? a bow
    winner: bow

  16. Hes so self entitled. And has such superiprity complex. Talking as he knows best but not bening any nicer even with the stupid jokes.

  17. I would actually prefear a bow.
    i mean, if there are guns of course that would surely do it… Like, a bazooka.

    Whatched the rest of the video:

    Hey! Not Fair! You said "weapons", not weapons AND siege engines! Plus, a Dragon can breath FIRE, so It would incinirate the ballista on sight. If you don't hit It in the Eye at the First shot, then you are REALLY in a shitty position man. You actually are fucked up real hard.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *