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Texas Students Opt For C**cks Not Glocks: The Daily Show

Now, every state in America
seems to have its own unique way
of dealing with gun rights. Uh, you know, in Texas,
they believe that the only thing that stops
a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a… Well, I’ll let Roy Wood Jr.
tell you. WOOD:School’s back in session,
which means college students
are stocking up on textbooks,
cargo shorts,
and, in Texas, ammunition?REPORTER:
Texas will allow people
with concealed handgun permitsto carry their guns into
public university buildings,
classrooms, and dorms.WOOD:That’s right.
Now the freshman 15
is just how many bullets
your gun can hold.
But with campus shootings
on the rise,
Open Carry Texas founder
C.J. Grisham says
it’s about damn time.Wherever I plant my feet
as a free man, I should be able
to carry my firearm. So everywhere but space. Yeah. Pretty much. I should be able to carry my gun
into that classroom, into that cafeteria,
into that stadium. The place where
there’s all the alcohol? People carry into Olive Garden
all the time, and they serve alcohol there,
and we don’t have shootouts. Well, of course nobody’s
shooting at Olive Garden. When you’re there,
you’re family. We’re not talking about anybody being able
to carry onto a campus. We’re talking
about 21-year-old students -who have been trained.
-Okay. WOOD:
But even in cowboy country,
not everybody was welcomingtheir new
locked-and-loaded classmates.
Lady that hates guns–
Jessica Jin.
Guns should not be
on college campuses. But this is Texas, though. You know the Texas state motto. If it moves, shoot it. I don’t think that
a student has the capability to react appropriately
in the unlikely event of a mass shooter. But they have a gun.
They’re trained. In Texas,
it only takes four hours to get a concealed handgun
license. -Wait. Four hours to learn how
to shoot a gun? -Right. I had a job at Baskin-Robbins. It took them a week to teach me
how to scoop ice cream. A week to learn how to do that.Okay, maybe the training
is a little lax,
but what are these sexting,
millennials gonna do about it?We’re fighting guns on campus
with dildos. Y’all just carrying dildos
around? Absolutely. We are strapping gigantic dildos
to our backpacks. This is a family show. You don’t bring… Mama, turn the channel. My mama watch this (bleep) now. We’re fighting absurdity
with absurdity. WOOD:
Or at least that was the plan.
It turns out that it’s illegal to openly brandish a dildo
a Texas. -Really?
-Yes. So this is legal,
this is illegal? Welcome to Texas. Why is this blurred out? Damn, it’s illegal
on Comedy Central, too.Even though it was illegal,
Jin’s rebellious
dildo protest caught fireand spread like an STD
on a college campus.
Students proudly showed off
their dildos to show
gun activists that-that…Oh. Ooh. Oh, my God, he justthrowing all the dicks in
the… That is a lot of dicks.
Bringing dildos
onto a college campus– it’s very vulgar,
it’s very obscene, and I think waving a penis around
is, uh, quite, quite immature. I mean, we are talking
about college students who probably haven’t
matured yet. WOOD (groaning):This dude is
gonna give me a migraine.
Should you have a gun
if you haven’t fully matured? Yes. Immature people
can still be very responsible. WOOD:But Grisham still had
more to prove.
The left has this obsession
with male genitalia. They say
that because I carry a gun, I’m obviously compensating
for something. What you packing? I carry a normal size, uh,
or average size .45. Why’d you say “average”? It’s about average.
It’s about, uh… four inches. Barrel length. You ever thought
about extending that barrel? The larger the gun,
the harder it is to conceal. -That’s for sure.
-Oh, I know.Grisham wasn’t taking
these dildos laying down,
so we set up a massive
All right, it was four (bleep)
with a sign and a big rifle.
There was purpose
to us open-carrying a gun– to show that we’re not a threat. Because of this protest,
I’ve gotten death threats. WOOD:
These aren’t casual threats.
One pro-gun advocate
went so far
as to release a filmof someone murdering
a dildo protester.
But dildo-haters and Texas laws
weren’t enough
to keep Jessica’s dicks
at home.
It doesn’t feel good
to walk around with a dildo in my backpack. But people have become so numb
to gun violence in America. Our dildos are an object
of political resistance. WOOD:
To keep Jessica out of jail,
I had to help
these illegal dick protestors.
I will teach you the techniques of proper protesting
as taught to me by a couple of civil rights movies
that I watched this morning.My solution– make dildos legal
on a Texas campus
-by adding a gun.
-(people chanting) -WOOD: Put your dicks
in the air! -Cocks not Glocks! Cocks not Glocks! Let’s go!
Cocks not Glocks! Cocks not Glocks!
Cocks not Glocks!Who knows? Maybe we can bring
these two sides together.
If your firearm makes
someone uncomfortable, what should they do? Uh, close their eyes. Educate themselves. Take this. Look at that. I’m actually a little
uncomfortable holding it. I just don’t like…
holding one of these. WOOD:Well, maybe
you should close your eyes
and educate yourself.

92 thoughts on “Texas Students Opt For C**cks Not Glocks: The Daily Show

  1. THIS is to protect the students of Texas!!! you have to be a legal citizen with no record almost to get a concealed and carry and it's there fucking right ! Aweee Trevor Noah sad they don't even have shit like this back in south Africa? be thankful your not starving in a ditch and stop complaining like a PANZY bitch !!

  2. I'm not for guns and think we need more gun control laws but if I wanted to shoot up a school I don't think I would shoot up a place where people are openly carying assault rifles. Still a stupid way to fight gun violence is to allow more guns…

  3. 4 hours? 4 hours is barely enough time to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons, but you're letting someone hide a handgun on their person after that? Texas, this is why the rest of us make fun of you.

  4. To be fair, I am an NRA member so take my opinion any way you wish. But tell me one instance where gun control has worked in reference to "gun free zones". 90% of mass shootings occur in those zones and shoving a dildo in somebody's face doesn't make facts irrelevant.

  5. This video hits a home run. Well done! The U.S.A. is completely insane to allow ownership of guns. Gun ownership is stupid and reckless and makes our country a scary place to live.

  6. Dallas Texas here.
    I say allow both. Bring guns and dilldos . Whatever makes you feel safe homie. No offense here.

  7. It's actually absurd how blind of their own ignorance the gun rights supporters are. All their arguements contradict each other. Logic and sanity once again take the back seat.

  8. I bet if some white boy saw a video of Pakistani kids going collage with handguns they'll think it's a terrorist camps

  9. 3:47 yeahhhh because ALL GERMANS carried fucking guns around… just because Hitler said that, doesn't mean he was wrong you idiot. Another good method to keep the cattle in line is to keep them dumb… and I see that in Texas, it's already working quite well.

  10. Guns: Yeah we can shoot people and we can use self defense!
    Cocks: Nah why would you want that it's so immature plus you can't kill people with it 🙁

    The hell is wrong with people

  11. its ture dildos are great for protest, in NZ when our polticians get out of line they get a dildo in the face, now your turn America I want to see some of this at your town halls

  12. Crazy thing is there was a campus shooting at UT a long time ago. A guy was sniping people from the bell tower I believe. Even if you have a gun, how do you stop a sniper that high up?

  13. when i was young we were always told not to travel to america because those motherfuckers had legal guns. get your shit straight america

  14. if they really want to protest that and get them to change it have all of the black students open carry weapons up at the school watch how quickly everyone will start to change their minds about that because that open carry law is really for white men only so let a bunch of black students open carry their license weapons and watch how fast white people run to Congress to change that.

  15. Honestly, using something that will almost certainly be offensive to conservatives to insult their policy ideas is not productive. It's totally reasonable to think that guns shouldn't be allowed on college campuses, but does anyone really think that they're going to show guns rights activists the error of their ways by waving dildos around? It's easy to make political statements that impress your friends or those who already agree with you; it takes empathy and understanding to have a productive, respectful conversation across party lines.

  16. did this man at 3:46 really hold up a sign with a Hitler-Quote? We're living in dark times man. I really want to introduce this guy to the Antifa at our school. I mean, since when did it become acceptable to quote Hitler to make a point? Holy shit.

  17. so you get screwed over by the government by paying too much money to go to school, then you are screw over again cause you are terrified to even go to your fucking classes cause they let people carry guns in there. wow.

  18. Of course they don't want people to see dildos, they don't want people to be aware of cocks bigger than their own lol

  19. I wonder if they changed their minds after the stabbing incident in UT Austin… Bunch of snowflakes!

  20. I just really, really want to smack that guy's face with the dildo. And if that makes him uncomfortable, he should close his eyes and educate himself, because who cares about his safety, and you know, logic as long as I get my way.

  21. In the name of the right to bear arms: "Immature people can still be very responsible"
    surprised face lol

  22. As someone who's been in the Navy, I can tell you even people trained to be armed watchstanders in the military are often not the best with firearms. The standards are very low, and training and requalification only happens once every year. I don't think most people fully understand the responsibility they are taking on when they arm themselves. If someone truly intends to shoot  a possible attacker, they should be training for that scenario all the time. People shouldn't be able to carry a concealed weapon after just one class. 

    Also, that guy was talking about shooting down an armed assailant like it was the most natural thing, but holding a dildo was too much? Doesn't make sense. Why are people so into violence, but so ashamed of sex? Sex brings people closer together. Violence tears people apart.

  23. I would argue that Gun Free Zones are fucking dumb. I would also argue that carrying an assault rifle slung to your back is also disturbing. Imho, a handgun strapped to your hips is good enough. Also, Gun Free Zones don't work for criminals If you think a criminal is going to look at a sign and go "Hmm, can't bring my firearm here, oh well" you'd be dead wrong. Those zones only serve a purpose to handicap law obeying citizens.

    So I'm somewhere in the middle, mostly leaning to less gun control. A dildo is a toy, a firearm isn't. A firearm is a tool. It is something to protect you and your family.

  24. if carrying a gun in public places a normal thing in america, could you carry around 3 foot-long samurai swords and be normal too?

  25. Just think… These Shinny people are the future of America.  Doesn't that make you feel all warm and giddy inside?!  Pfff

  26. It's a stupid show I ever watch in my life.
    Do the cops use these cocks fight shooter or criminal?
    Do I use my cocks defense my self from thugs or home intruders with handguns?
    Do the SEAL Team 6 use their cocks hunt Taliban?
    Many feeling but 0 facts and do not make sense.

  27. These ignorant zombies have the brain capacity of a dodo bird. How are they university students.
    Ladies, nothing says don't touch me like a woman carrying a gun.

  28. While I am no fan of carrying on campus, this crap at UT is embarrassing to all Texans. Seriously… his Berkeley or freaking Texas?

  29. Ah, the good old "educate yourself" fallback. When you have no reasonable argument to give just make it their problem instead.

  30. Good people whit guns don't kill. Bad people with guns do kill.
    And the people who care guns are trained and know how to use them.
    P.S. People who don't know anything about guns are against guns. And is this spouts to be comedy.

  31. These actions are actually being funded by Cuba and Venezuela among others so they can disarm law abiding people and invade

  32. The only thing that stops a lame birthday party is a Texan with a gun.

  33. Pedophile . He has a cock in his hand and has little girls running and cheering with cocks in his hands .

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