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Hasan On Gun Violence In America | Deep Cuts | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix


“If you had the ability to invent
anything to solve any problem, what would it be?” This is from Bella. Okay. I would invent… a Roomba – wait! – that could suck up all
the greenhouse gas. Why isn’t Roomba
just doing that? Like, you got the tech – Like you already have
the original idea sort of. These are like – This is like, Hasan Minhaj’s Bad Ideas,
of just like – Yeah, a Roomba that can – Cause it’s already the thing,
you put, you put the — the saucer in the sky, and
just have it fly around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same way it flies, like
goes around your bedroom and it bumps into weird shit. Like it would just do that. You would just see the Roomba and you’re like, “Why the fuck…? The Roomba’s back?” Like, just go around Earth. Sometimes it would just hang
out too long, you’re like, “Get the fuck outta
here! We already–” And it’d be like, “Ah,
sorry, I’m a Roomba,” and then it’d just go… I think it’d be great. “If you could go back in time
and be the lead in any movie, what would it be?” Jennie, do you know
which one it’d be? Do you know which one it’d be? It’d be Home Alone. You didn’t know this? How did you not know that? Of course. But I think it’d be great. A cool – because I already
know all the lines, so I’m off book. And I think another detail – what I would do is I
wouldn’t change the family, I’d still be Kevin. I’d just have – I would
just have white parents. And we would
never address it! We would never address
it on the show. So when she sends me
upstairs when she’s like, “Go sleep with Fuller,” – I’m like, “Fuller’s
gonna wet the bed” we just don’t address any of it. The whole part – “I made
my family disappear.” “Your white family?” I’m not even gonna address it! I think it’d be great. Changes the whole movie. Alright, “What 90s trend do you wish would
come back in style?” This is from Maria. Is Maria here? Alright, which– what’s your
90s trend? That you wish – Glittery hair gel? You know what
trend I would do? Do you remember JNCO jeans? I would do JNCOs. How funny – how hilarious
would it be if I came out, and I came – it’s like
[hums the Patriot Act theme] and I just had some big ass… And then like, I take off
like a flying squirrel. Just like – I float in. “Tonight!” I asked my parents for
them and they were like, “We are not getting
you these pants.” Fuck. What would people on the
internet say if I legit, like, next week came out with JNCOs? What do you think? You think— they would clown me, right? Alright, we’re gonna
do this actually, Dan. Zach, you’re here. Okay, so that’s Zach from
digital, you guys. Alright, Zach. How do – what, what
background do I need to stand – I’m gonna stand and then
just Photoshop me in… Where do I need to
stand, on this side? Or this one? This weird ass.. This land mass over here. Okay. No, no, no, no, no.
Here, I— I got you. Here, we’ll do right here. Does that work? Yeah, just JNCOs. I don’t know why in like – I’m just manspreading
while I’m standing. Alright, fine, fine. Fine, fine. Does that work? Okay. Eddie, did you have JNCOs? Back in the day? Aw, dude you’re working. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,
I’m sorry, I’m bothering you. You did? What?! Dude I’ve lost all
respect for you, bro. You’ve given me, like,
major financial advice. You’ve given me,
like, family advice. You wore JNCOs? Dude I was doing this as a – ugh. Eddie, man. “Do medium distance
relationships exist?” What? What are the parameters? Okay, wait. This is from Gianna.
Is Gianna here? Yeah, like, you’re not, it’s not –
you’re asking for a friend. Okay, what what counts
as medium distance? What’s long distance to you? Oh. Well I’ve asked people – Here in
the office some people are like, “If you live in Manhattan, and you’re dating
someone in Brooklyn, that’s long distance.” I’m like, “What?” Is that real? Fuck. So like, if you meet
the love of your life and you guys break up or it
never happens, you’re like, “Why’d you guys break up?,” and you’re like, “De Blasio.” That’s your – alright. Fuck. For love? That’d be really funny if you,
like, live in Manhattan and someone lives in
Brooklyn and you’re like, “You might as well
live in Chicago. It’s the same – it’s the
same thing for me.” Man how many –
Isn’t that crazy? How many love stories
is the L train messing up? It’s messed up, it shouldn’t
be called the L train. It’s the “Not Love Train.” “What do you think of Lindsay
Lohan and MBS hanging out?” Okay. This is a great question. First things first, just so you
guys know, it’s— it’s Page Six. It was on Page Six so that’s not
like— we have to qualify that. Like, yeah, yeah. We’re one step ahead of,
like, National Enquirer. But, I was – it is a little strange that the
Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, Mohammed bin Salman the
Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia is hanging out
with Lindsay Lohan. They’re like friends. Which, okay so, now
that this is fresh to you – No, this is great actually. Maybe, maybe,
maybe, like, to me— I started going through what could be going on
in the kingdom. Maybe, in the – in just, in the
kingdom he just has ABC Family. So, he’s just been watching
reruns of Mean Girls and Freaky Friday. And he’s like,
“That is the movie star. Who’s that person – I need to
hang out with that person. We need to be friends.” It’s weird. You know Lindsay
Lohan’s Muslim? I mean, I don’t know, but it’s.. But I kinda know. Like I’m joking, not joking. It’s – it’s a weird trojan horse. It’s a very strange
trojan horse. I think if we’re gonna have
someone join the team – Cause you know – you know
Janet Jackson joined the team, so you know, what’s
up Sister Janet? But um – we need, you know – like, I
was thinking about this… I think Tom Hanks is
a great candidate! Don’t you think it
would just totally– people would be like, “Taimoor Hanks?” Like, people would just be, “I don’t know. He’s this – he’s as American as apple pie. I guess he converted to Islam.” Oh, this one’s – Alright,
let’s do it, alright. I mean this one’s really heavy. “We can all agree these
mass shootings are awful. What do you think is
the real root cause? Is it lack of mental health or
lack of vetting gun buyers? Or both?” It’s always weird to me. When we talk about – you know the
common denominator, and it doesn’t even matter – We’ve had so many of these
terrifying mass shootings. Whether it’s what happened in
Ohio, or El Paso, or San Bernadino, or Orlando. To me the common denominator
has always been guns. And maybe this is just, like, the logical side of my
brain that’s just like, “I see the, the
consistent thing here. It’s not the video
games, it’s not –” But it’s wild how
we always find, sorta like the easier solution
rather than just like – we gotta go cold
turkey on this thing. I remember I was, I was like, I shouldn’t be doing this, but
I was trying to go to bed, and I was just scrolling
through Instagram, and there was this
sponsored post for this app called Calm. And in the ad, there was like, a person
lying in bed and they were like, “Are you having
trouble falling asleep because you’re scrolling
through social media? Download Calm and you can
do a ten-minute meditation that’ll help you fall asleep.” And then I went to the app store
and I started downloading Calm and I’m like, “What the
fuck is going on?!” I know what the variable is.
I need to get rid of the phone! But – they’re like,
“No, no, no, no, download Calm,
an app on your phone, to help you beat your
addiction to phones.” I’m like, “Yeah,
that’s right, Calm.” That’s the way we’re dealing – that’s like the roundabout
logic we’re using with the gun issue in America. But I also feel like, you
know, Trump calling out mental health is
super disingenuous especially because he’s
slashing Medicaid and ACA benefits to help you get mental health
coverage, which is just – That’s not a hot take. “You know he’s lying, right?” I’m glad that we dropped the whole
“lone wolf” narrative. Remember when you watched the
news and they’d just be like, “Twelve lone wolves
have done it again.” Like you sure it’s not
a pack of wolves? “No, these are
ten individual wolves that do not know each other.” I just had, I was just tired of
hearing about all these dudes that were just
coincidentally Team Jacob. I was sick of it, right? Now we can finally say it,
we’re just like, “Yes, this is – this is terrorism. It is white terrorism.” So, that to me is actually a
step in the right direction. Let me get to something easy. Oh, this one’s not easy either. “What will you
teach your daughter so that she can smash
the patriarchy?” That’s hilarious. I like, I like that you used
the word smash. That’s great. That’s
a very bro word. The first thing you gotta do
is “fuckin’ smash it, bro.” Sma— I go up to my daughter, “Fuckin’ smash the patriarchy.” Uh, I don’t know. I think – I think just right now, that one of the things
that we’re doing is, I’m just, I mean she’s sixteen months
but my big thing – She can’t really
understand big words, so “patriarchy” would
be hard. But, I’m just getting her to
just have confidence. My wife doesn’t like it. But she’ll go into like Gymboree
class and other classes and she’ll sometimes
hit other boys. And she’ll be like, “Hasan,
are you gonna do –” And I’m like, “Nah, I’m not –” I think this is, like,
prepping her for what’s – this is a metaphor. So, I want her to fight, yeah. [beep] Fuck [beep].
Let ‘em – I can’t. Alright. Don’t – don’t put that in
the mix, I can’t do that. Don’t put that in the edit. Don’t say fuck [beep] because
that’s his real name. Aaaaaand. And the teacher said she’s
not supposed to hit him. And we’ve talked to the parents
and we’ve had a meeting about it. Hitting is wrong.
No one should hit. Even though he’s six months older
than my daughter and, like, ten inches taller! So, dude, Eddie, if – she’s like this small,
he’s like this big. I’m like, if Patrick Beverly
is owning Kevin Durant that’s on Durant, you
know what I mean? She’s this big. Like, the world’s gonna be a
lot harder on [beep]. That’s all I’m saying. Beena doesn’t like that take. I know, Jennie, I can’t do that? Damn, you can’t let –
Why can’t I go mask off? Is it – is it because then if I do that then I lose all credibility
about all the other things that I say on this show? But honestly [beep] deserved it. I’m not taking that back.

100 thoughts on “Hasan On Gun Violence In America | Deep Cuts | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix

  1. patriot act is one of THE best things that have happened to me at the end of 2018. so glad i kept up with you during the daily show and put all my friends on, because somehow your content just keeps getting better and better 🙂

  2. It is hard to teach big kid not to bully small kid when parents like Minhaj think it cool when small kid hit big kid.

  3. https://www.facebook.com/100000540865210/posts/2777840158910652?s=727248805&sfns=mo
    India is threatening to invade Pakistani lands! Typical Hitler mode is this vile Hindutva cesspit dweller

  4. I had to wiki Hasan to see where he’s from because I have never heard anyone outside my general area of California use the phrase, “They would clown me, right?”

  5. How about you talk about India's toilets issues…a 300 million people without working toilets or should I say No toilets…in a county that calls it self a democracy…please

  6. Guns don’t do them by themselves. Isn’t heroine illegal, pretty sure people still get it. So if “bad apples” have guns, why can’t I have one or two. I like lots of what you say…but this no way… pandering to bullshit.

  7. Is that something American people laugh at!
    Now I believe that something on Netflix not necessarily worth watching!!!
    Our indian stand ups are much better than this man!!!

  8. Oh you deleted my comment.. then ill ask you again… What do you know about article 370 and 35A? And why are you talking about thses if you don't know… your illiterate lacture will lead a bad coz…. Have proper information first you son of a dick

  9. I like Hasan and this show, but he missed the mark a few times here. I'll make three points concerning Roombas, terrorism, and the supposed patriarchy.
    1. Use Roomba to remove carbon from air. I would have said: make nuclear fusion commercially viable. That solves multiple problems at once.
    2. White terrorism. The recent shootings don't converge on a specific "terrorist group", so Hasan is definitely wrong here. I'll also say this: aren't we supposed to be going away from racial generalizations like this? Why is racism against whites acceptable among liberals when other forms aren't?
    3. Patriarchy. At a time when women are equal under the law and broadly enjoying salary parity, we are expected to believe that the US is akin to the Saudi Kingdom. This is 'woke' misandry (means: hatred of males) masquerading as reason. And it's nonsense. Man-bashing doesn't actually help anyone. And it's sexist, which supposedly liberals are against.

  10. I'm from Sacramento and this dude is so regular to me. I love it. It's great to hear a person talk the exact same way I would talk

  11. Uhh who's this animal hassan pig 🐷naj. This shithole supports islamist fascism and hates hindus.

  12. When parent tell their daughter to fight it out it's smashing the patriarchy but when parent tell that to their son it's toxic masculinity

  13. The problem is that all religions are inherently detrimental to humanity.
    They are by definition the institutionalization of superstitious, regressive valued cults that prey on the vulnerable and the newly born. Almost every single believer belongs to the same religion as their parents, and without having any choice, are indoctrinated from birth into a worldview that is anti-science, Illogical, and intolerant… All Believers are ingrained with a terrific fear of ever even considering actually questioning their given faith's "divine" doctrines… as they would be questioning the word of their Deity, and God is All Knowing, All Powerful, and obviously inherently infallible.
    Therefore the believer intuitively learns conformity and obedience so as to avoid the danger of "sinning" against their imaginary judge. A judge that weighs their lives based upon primitive teachings from bronze age uncivilized peasants… Pathetically crafting a broken, dysfunctional mind & perception through cognitive dissonance & adamantly holding to a false delusional understanding of reality through staying completely willfully ignorant; denying any & all evidence that conflicts with the teachings that their family's regional cult adheres to… Regardless of how damaging, unjust, oppressive, and unreasonable those teachings invariably are…
    ALL RELIGIONS are, objectively, the actual, true definition of what evil honestly entails… The very fact that these pathetic, primitive superstitions are still today enslaving whole nations of human beings to lives governed by lies and dominated through fearful delusions and drastically hindering the vast potential of their very humanity…. These diseases of the WILL still exist and plague all of humanity with their inevitably resulting innumerable horrors: The constant, meaningless wars, base persecutions, tyrannical oppressions, hateful & illogical Intolerances, and strangled spirits… this is what religion has ever wroght throughout the history of mankind across the entirety of our world…. Evil does not cover the tragic consequences of believing in some nonsense called god.
    Break Free from the shackles laid upon your mind by these fallacious systems of control, which were ever only inventions of men… Made up by the privileged few to deceive the ignorant masses for the purposes of maintaining their undeserved authority and taking the wealth of the naive & unenlightened… Religion has always, is now, and shall forever be nothing more than the TOOL through which the privileged few pursue their greedy, selfish, corrupt agendas… offering false comfort in exchange for one's Free Will… & for one to take solace in an obvious lie is beyond pathetic, and a choice wholly undeserving of pity or sympathy.

  14. When they live in the next town they may be what my grandfather called a "Gud." Geographically Undesirable Date.

  15. Isn’t the even more common denominator mental illness? It’s takes like these that make me feel like you’re pushing an agenda.

  16. DAMMIT Hassan lol. We HEAVE a greenhouse gas roomba!!! Photosynthesis! Now with new microbial and soil science we can better integrate our food systems to automatically harvest and capture co2 and fix it to soil organic matter. WIN WIN WIN show me this story dammit

  17. Didn't know Hassan was the kind of person that would let his child cause pain to others. It's America i guess. I wonder what his tone would be like if the boy hit his girl, would it be a problem then? Would that be judging based on gender?

  18. Some of the real Charlottesville "White Supremacists" were carrying loaded "Assault Weapons." Others were beaten unconscious with sticks. Why weren't any shots fired?

  19. lol, no. 
    Its not easier to just "go cold turkey" w/ guns. Its a mental health issue. thats the common factor. everything Hasan said about guns is just flat wrong. go figure. he keeps getting woker and woker, its getting boring to watch media commentators become more and more delusional and pushing their bullshit SJW ideology thats anti-American and full of nothing but bad ideas that don't work. Neflix is so woke that their eyelids have wrapped all the way around their head recovering their eyes.

  20. Dude. Totally hear you on daycare/preschool bullies! We went through that and I ended up documenting 16 bites before I could get the kid bounced.🤯

  21. HASAN MINHAJ -This so called 'Indian' American comedian has shown his fanatic Islamic side by supporting PAKISTAN, A TERROR STATE which has SHELTERED OSAMA BIN LADEN for 10 years and LIED ABOUT HIS WHEREABOUTS and also which is active in ETHNICALLY CLEANSING its own MINORITIES in its own land and BALOCHISTAN.. This trash of a comedian should be shamed and boycotted…

  22. 9:58 Hasan is totally cool saying white terrorism but he refuses to say Islamic terrorism. Perfect example of leftist hypocrisy.

  23. Im Indian,and I dont think Guns are the problem with the mass shootings in America, like you wont try to ban Cars for accidents that kill people, or Knives for stabbing people…if they publically ban guns, chances are some really dedicated psychopath will still get his hands on one…just like drugs, its harder but once you go through all the trouble of trying to get something you really want, there's actually close to zero chance of you not utilizing it for the original intentions and some security guard or pedestrian who will legally shoot back is much better..besides…give me a Prius, I prolly can kill more people in the same amount than these trigger happy fools….doesnt mean we're gonna ban cars….

  24. The prince of Saudi Arabia is hanging out with the same Linsey Lohan that tried abducting that Arabian boy off the street? Not surprised

  25. 4:12 Of course medium distance relationships exist. Have you ever dated a girl from the Bronx and you live in Brooklyn that’s basically the same thing. And that’s if she lives on the edge of the Bronx. If she live on gun hill road long distance relationship

  26. Mental health is apart of it, the news is the main problem they turn the shooters in to movie stars, some people will do anything to be famous, on the other side taking guns all together will put us worse off then we are now, evil doesn't follow ur pretty words and live apart of normal society, they laugh and think it's a joke, give the ones that do follow all the freedom allowed, which is not yours to take in the first place, remember The Right to bear arms SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED it is the citizens vs. Every one in office . Not Democrats vs Republicans all of us are on the same side the bickering back and forth has to stop

  27. The common denominator is not guns. It is much more complex than that. Hasan has a bad habit of simplifying things or giving a knee-jerk response to get attention and laughs.

  28. #HasanMinhaj #Netflix Can you folks do one episode on Why Medicines Cost so much in US while not a lot in other countries?

  29. I had Levi straight leg jeans in the 80s, and acid washed straight leg jeans (with a hole strategically ripped in the right knee) in the early 90s.

  30. (On medium distance relationships) The one that says "…If it requires a transfer"… You, my friend, are Absolutely EPIC!!!

  31. It’s not terrorism, terrorism is the use of violence in terms of political gain. Some of it is terrorism, but most of it isn’t.

  32. I would tell my daughter there is no such thing as a "boogie-man patriarchy" that is controlling her. She needs to be herself and she will win. Like Merkle, like the girl that made Time cover page, like Madam Cleurie, like Molly Pitcher, like Harriet Tubman, like Rosa Parks, like Joan of Arc, like Mother Teresa and Mother Mary. Or how bout princess Diana? …. all those women were suppressed? No! Do good, and the world will notice. Guess what… a great many women have been recognized for human achievement, do NOT dwell on the negative or u will never be disappointed

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