[Woman:] In an unknown dimension, beyond what you would call space and time, there exists a hidden world known as Krakathoom. Hideous dragons, beautiful maidens, wi-fi hotspots, Krakathoom’s got it all, baby. In this time before time,
there was once a mighty hero. And his name was Gundarr. *humming* [Gundarr:] Huh? [Woman:] Greetings, nimble warrior. I am Bustianna del Cobra, and you have been judged worthy to [Gundarr:] Wohoo! Yeah!
Wet T-shirt contest! [Bustianna:] What – Hey!
Eyes up here, barbarian. Upon your person shall be
bestowed a magical weapon of great power. [Gundarr:] Ooh, yay! Presents! Is it in any way boob-related? [Bustianna:] Ugh! No! Once a millenia, the sword of Skeltranzibel
is taken up by a champion that with his magical blade he might free his people
from the bonds of tyranny. [Gundarr:] Boy, that sound like
a lot of work for a free sword. What else ya got? [Bustianna:] What?
You desire not the sword? But it has magical properties th- [Gundarr:] Nah, I’m cool. Next! [Bustianna:] Oh. Well then. Oh, here we go. Thogdrelm. The axe of fortunes. With this blade, John Tench the Magnificar vanquished the dog-giants of Geshmizicar [Gundarr:] Axes! Axes be for GIRLS. Look, baby, how about you and Gundarr go find
a bearskin rug we can make a mess of? [Bustianna:] You’re a real class act,
aren’t ya, Beef-for-Brains? Try and focus up, huh? Well, let’s take a look at what else we’ve got here. How abou the Mace of Ages? Or the Spear of Near-Constant Awesomness? Or Steven the Night Hammer? Or the Baretta semi-automatic 9-millimeter with polymer grip and matte-black finish? Or the dagger of – [Gundarr:] Wait, what that last one again? [Bustianna:] Steven the Night Hammer? [Gundarr:] No no no, the one after that! Oh, the 9-millimeter. Oh that wasn’t really a serious part of the list. I mainly use that for shooting
nuisance beavers in the pond. [Gundarr:] Yeah, that gun perfect! Toss it over! [Bustianna:] Well, it’s not very epic, but okay. Heh. Here you go. From this day forth, warrior, your name shall be forever
tied to your weapon of choice. What is your name, champion? [Gundarr:] Gundarr. [Bustianna:] You shall be Gundarr no longer! Your new name shall be… Wait, no, I guess Gundarr
works pretty well in this case. Yeah, Gundarr’s fine. [Gundarr:] Aw, thanks Water Lady! Now hand over all your fancy sword. [Bustianna:] And so,
a new legend was born. And that legend was kindof a selfish dick, as it turns out. He is [Gundarr:] Gundarr.