Dan Returns to Tell Tales of Scotland – The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder

– They guide you– for the
dentist recommended two minutes, and the mirror mount puts
brushing front and center in your bathroom.
It’s pretty great. We have ours hanging
in the shower, which I love. – I love you.
– And I just really– I swear… – Quipping it.
– Sometimes when I’m in a situation where I don’t
have it, it does bum me– and I sit there
counting like an idiot. Now I count like a moron.
Thanks, Quip. – When you brush,
do you Quip– do you Quip walk? (laughs) – It was your first one back.
It was a stretch, but it was your first one back.
– I got Black Lou. I got Black Lou. – It got Black Lou–
he’s being supportive ’cause it’s your first one back.
– Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, you enjoyed it.
– I did enjoy it. – Whole room enjoyed it. – I think the room
is sort of indifferent to it. – Millions of Americans
enjoyed it. – Look…
it was fine. “Millions of Americans”
sat back and beared witness to what I’ve just done. – Birthed it.
– Quip walk. I hope– it’d be funny
if I’m totally wrong, and like, Quip makes it
their new thing, Quip walk. And it’s just like… – A bunch of reformed
gang members Crip walking with Quip…
– But it’s just toothbrushes. – Wrap your brush.
– It’s toothbrushes with, yeah, with like, blue bandanas
around ’em. – 236, all cavities down.
I’m killing cavities. Mork-ass plaque. – Let me tell you
what’s awesome. They automatically deliver
brush heads to you on a dentist-recommended
schedule, every three months
for just five dollars. It’s the “Bonfire.”
We are live. We are Comedy Central Radio
SiriusXM 95. I’m Big Jay Oakerson,
and holy shit, sitting across from me,
shiny beautiful man over there. I’m so happy to have him back.
– Shiny? – So shiny.
– Is it ’cause of the lighting? – Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Downright oily, I must say. – Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey.
– Well… They lit you up like you’re…
– Be fucking cool. – …fucking Joan Crawford.
– Thank you. – Sick reference.
– Sick… sick old Hollywood reference.
– Sick reference, bro. It is is Dan Soder, everybody.
He’s back! – Hi.
Hey, everybody, hello. – The kid is back.
– Back from Scotland. I’m back Americanized. – You were so Scottish for a
couple days when you came back. – So Scottish.
– You couldn’t let it go. – I had to sleep in
a stone building. – Yeah, you couldn’t
turn it off. – Couldn’t turn it off,
just wanted to walk up hills. – Aw, buddy, I’m so happy
to have you back. We had fun shows
while you were gone. We held the fort down.
Joe Derosa was unbelievable. – Joe Derosa’s the man. (recorded laughter)
– In Los Angeles– aw. – Oh, that cackle.
– Yeah. – How did he not play one
of the hyenas in “Lion King”? (recorded laughter continues) I mean, listen to that.
– Yeah, he laughs like that. – “Get outta here, get outta
here, you damn hyenas!” – And he’s built like a hyena. – Yeah.
(cackling) Dude, that is…
that is eerily similar… – Almost haunting.
– Yeah, it’s almost eerily similar to a hyena. – So haunt–
he did an amazing job while we were out
in Los Angeles. – Yeah.
He came over and got hammered at my house on Saturday,
and we watched AEW, and it was just great
to hang out with Joe, like… – He came over– AEW,
does he watch wrestling? – Yeah, he’s an old-school
wrestling fan, so he came over to watch
AEW with a couple people. – To like, give it a shot
or he knows what’s going on? – Yeah, no, he didn’t know
what was going on. He came over to like, hang, he
was like, “I wanna come hang.” – Just get blasted
on your couch? – Yeah, he was drinking
like old-school– like, it was tempting, he was
doing tequila with Modelos. – Really?
– Yeah, just knocking back– He was making people
drink with ’em. – Oh, yeah.
– It was great. – That’s totally Joe, he wants
to bring everybody down in the hole.
– Yeah, he’s trying to grab as many people on
the way down as he can. – Come on, dude, I’ll get…
– Yeah. – I’ll get my own hooker,
but if we get five, they take, like,
$30 off each one. – He walked over with just three
glasses together for shots, and he’s like, “All right,
who’s doing shots with me?” If Jacob–
if you would’ve been there, you would have been
in the line of fire. – Was that–
– I wanted to see Jay. – Moore?
– I would have loved to have been there,
I was trying to get there. – Wow, look at Jacob
throwing… (both)
Shade! – We gotta say real quick,
thank you to Tammy for sending in these two fans, ForeverFragrantKid
on YouTube and Instagram. Thank you for… – She sent these two
awesome fans. – You know we’re fans
of the show “lugiha.” – And now we both
have our fans. Dan throws a little…
– Shade. – And I’ll tell you
what I do, bitch. Werk!
Hello! – That is a ridiculous…
Thank you very much. – I love them.
– “Lugi– lukigwa.” – Dan.
(hissing) – “Lukigwa.” We should just play Gwar
every time we throw shade. – “Lukigwa.”
Gwar? – Yeah, we specifically
play Gwar. “Lukigwa.” – Well, good news, everyone. I’ve already got
a splinter from this. – Oh, no.
– The wood broke already. Jacob, what’d you do
in transport? What did you do?
– What did you do, dude? – What did you do?
– Are you trying to take Jay down?
Show one back? – You’re gonna take
me out with this… Like a frontiersman
with a splinter? With a dirty, dusty splinter? – He goes, “My hope is he stays
on the range for two weeks,
and that thing festers. – Dude, I haven’t asked you
a zillion stories about Scotland, because I wanted
you to say it on the air. – I have a family there now.
My son Patrick is looking after my land.
– Patrick O’Soder? – Patrick, I need to leave
and go back to America. There’s a radio show
that needs my services. “Father, I’ll miss ye!”
– You’re gonna grow up fine. – You killed your mother
in childbirth ’cause you got the head
that my father gave me. The man drank himself to death
’cause he felt bad. That he would do that…
– And now you! – You are… you are
the lost Soder. It was fucking fun. – That should be a movie
trailer, “The Lost Soder.” – The lost– the Scottish Soder. It was– it was fucking…
it was fun, man. But it was too long.
It was… – I think you’re bananas
for doing it. – I think it was a lot of fun.
It was the best… – I didn’t wanna get
you down going out because I know what
that would do to me. – Yeah, but I…
– But man, from the time you said you were going
to the time you left, the only question I would’ve
asked over and over again to someone I was genuinely
trying to stop from doing it… – Yeah.
– …would be to question, like, why the Christ would
you wanna live in another country for a month?
– ‘Cause I don’t think I’d ever get
this opportunity again. I don’t think I’d ever get
this opportunity to live in Scotland again,
and it was a good time to run the hour, and just,
like, build the hour. – But you said it was too long.
– But it was too long. I mean, also doing Montreal
and Dublin before then. – Mm-hmm, yeah.
– Was a lot to put in front of that– and Colorado. – If you did two weeks,
I get it. – Great, which by the way,
a lot of people do. A lot of– like,
Steve Rannazzisi did the back end run. There’s like a lot of comics
that come and do– just do the last
two weeks of the festival. And that makes a lot
of sense for me. A month was a lot,
but there’s people that love it. Like Sean Patton, you know.
– He loved it. – He doesn’t love it,
he was, like, ready to go, but he can do– he’s done it
more than once, and he’s like– I kinda get it.
– But also, he bring– If you bring
your life out there. He even brought his chick,
right? – Well, his girlfriend, Caitlin,
was our… Caitlin Cook, she had a show
at the Fringe as well. – Oh, okay.
– Yeah, so it made sense. It was fun, man, it was a good
living situation. We had the Classic NES.
We still didn’t beat Tyson. We tried to beat Tyson
from the first guy up. Still couldn’t do it.
– And I also don’t understand why you wouldn’t have brought
a more sophisticated machine with you.
– I should have done that. I should have brought
the Playstation 4. – Yeah, it’s too–
the hokey games will get old. – But I think going–
it did get old. But I won a Super Bowl
in Tecmo Super Bowl. So, good job, 1991
San Francisco ’49ers. – That doesn’t mean anything.
– Yes, it does. Means a lot to me.
– Doesn’t mean anything to you. – Means a lot to this guy.
– No, it doesn’t. – That was alone in Scotland,
winning– winning rings. – You could play a better game
on your phone, of football. – Yeah, probably.
– No, not probably. 1,000%.
– Yeah. – There is a much more
sophisticated football game on your phone.
– But I like Tecmo Super Bowl. I like playing that game,
it’s… – It’s a fucking
shitty product, asshole. – Okay, yeah, well, Beez.
– That’s coming from the Beezer. – Why don’t you fucking…
– Go, birds. – Shut up, Kyla.
Kyla, you fucking shut up. Are we haunted?
Did they– did they die, and then haunting the studio? – We have the film crews
in today. – Yeah.
– Lynn and other Cory. – Step-Cory, who did not–
you did not like… – Step-Cory hates us.
– Step-Cory came in and basically made you
mow the lawn. – He changed everything.
– And you’re like, “I don’t like you,
I don’t like you.” – They just came over…
– Cory doesn’t make me do anything.
– Then he just came over and moved the chair
out of the way, he goes, “No, let everybody see
how wide you are.” – Whoa.
– ‘Cause I was trying to get myself a little bit covered up.
– Is that what you said under your breath?
– He did– and I saw when I looked over, it was
coming out of the corner of his mouth, he goes,
“Wide, you are.” – I just realized, he…
– What else would that be? “Wide you are.”
– He looks like a cast member from one of the first
five seasons of “Real World.” – Yeah.
– You know? (laughter) – Other Cory looks like he could
be a thug or a great dancer. – Yeah, or an artist.
But you don’t like step-Cory, ’cause it’s too bright.
– I like step-Cory very much. – Well, you’re upset
how studio… – Questioning step-Cory’s
ability to light a goddamn room, that we’re so lit up right now. – That’s why you called
me shiny, and now I’m… – I didn’t know– to be honest
with you, I didn’t know Christine had face freckles
until this moment. – Oh my God!
– I had no idea right now. – I didn’t know you were kissed
by angels on your nose. I missed you guys so much.
– You know, DJ Lou’s got four black teeth. – What?
– I had no idea. – Dead mouth Witzki.
– Dead tooth Witzki. – Dead tooth…
– That should be a shot. – Hey!
– Dead tooth Witzki. – He goes, “You never go up
into my hills.” Dead tooth Witzki.
Jacob, I missed you. – I missed you.
– Oh, thanks. – Damn, dude.
– I missed everybody. – What the fuck does that mean?
– It’s been a month. – Wow, man. Jesus.
– No, Jay, it was… – He came back with so much
more than you even gave– “I missed you, Jacob.”
He went, “I missed you.” “You think you missed me?
Oh my God, did we need you.” (overlapping chatter)
You mother eff… – Stop, you’re doing so well. You were doing
so well before this. Now you’re slipping up.
Come on. That’s it, werk!
Werk it! – Looks like it’s time to werk.
– It is time to werk. It’s time to get to werk.
– Must be time to werk. – With an “E”.
“Lukigwa.” Do we have Gwar? “Lukigwa.”
(Gwar playing) (laughing)
That’s so much… – That’s not what’s
supposed to play when you open that fan.
– That’s so much funnier. Oh, wait, cut it.
Cut it real quick. – “Lukigwa.”
– Uh-oh, is it time to throw some… shade? (Gwar music starts playing) (laughter) Uh-oh!
– I don’t know, if I could only give one piece of advice,
I would say it’s bitch, werk! (Gwar music playing) – (laughing)
That’s so great. Ooh, you’ll never guess
who I caught coming at the Comedy Cellar
talking about an employee at the stand, I’m throwing… (Gwar music playing) – I’ll do one more.
(laughs) – And then we can move on. – Dan, you gotta let that
bullshit Scottish shit go, ’cause you back
in New York, baby girl, and it is time to…
ahh– werk! (Gwar music playing) Take it back.
I don’t deserve it. I blew every possible way. Um… I wanna, yeah,
tell Jacob something that I think’s gonna upset you. I told you we had dinner
on Saturday. And I told you this briefly,
but I texted everyone. I was so excited,
when me and Louis were in Texas, we went to a gun range.
– Mm-hmm? – He’s, “Let’s go to a gun–”
I was like, all right, I’ll go. That’s what I love about Louis,
he’ll get me to go do something. – Yeah.
– Him and Ari Shaffir, two people that can always get
me to go do something. – I think I might be… I took Louis, I think,
to his first gun range. – Yeah, in Austin, probably.
– Yeah, in Austin. – So, “Hey, let’s go
to a gun range.” We go.
I have to say, first of all… I’ve always heard these things,
but I’ve never overthought anything about it. I mean, I handed him
a license. In fact, I think at that point, only one of us handed
our license of the two– I think Louis may have given
his license and– or his ID, and they just handed us
two AR– one AR-15 and two– a .50-caliber
handgun, like, pistol. – Yeah.
– And then, I think like a 9mm or something, but like,
it was terrifying. – That they just
handed that over. – The whole– just no, no, no.
Yes. And the whole–
the whole ordeal was anxiety-inducing,
terrifying. That may sound pussy,
but I mean, it was just… – Well, some people like
that– that rush. That’s, I think…
– Dude… – Part of the, you know.
– I’d be shooting so nervous, that I was like, is everything,
all the buttons right? I got the safety off…
– Yeah, it’s a lot. – …or on, or whatever.
And then a hot shell comes in from over, like, so!
Son of a bitch! And uh, yeah, I don’t know, man,
it was just loud, and I didn’t know
what I was doing. So I was asking questions,
and the guys get frustrated while you’re asking–
it was a bad experience. – Yeah.
– What it was, overall. I mean, very scary,
the… other dudes being around you with guns,
man, it’s crazy. – Now Jacob, do you
go to ranges a lot? Do you go to shooting ranges?
– Yeah, I go down and shoot every time I’m in Florida. – Were you uncomfortable
the first couple times? ‘Cause you’re…
– Yeah, I mean, look, we’re from New York, and it’s
not a part of your life, and then you go
to a gun range and just… – Jacob, we’re white
in New York. – Everyone’s just…
– That’s why it’s not a part of our lives.
Go ahead. – But yeah, I mean, also,
I wasn’t used to– I wasn’t firing a gun before.
– Yeah. – So, you know, it’s just
a powerful thing in your hand, and yeah, Jay’s right,
there’s just people blasting guns
to your right and left. – The AR-15 was bananas
to be firing. You go to a gun range,
Black Lou, ever? – But I enjoyed it.
– I’ve gone to two. I haven’t gone to many.
– Indoor? – Indoor.
– See, indoor’s worse, because the sound…
– Terrifying. – So loud.
– Did you find it scary at all, or was it just like–
did you find it fun? – Oh, I had a forty–
we were using a .45, and it was– I could never
imagine shooting someone. – You were indoor, Jay?
– It’s like too… – Indoor.
– Oh, that changes everything. ‘Cause the sound waves
aren’t dissipating, so I mean… – Thanks, professor.
– They go through to your vertebrae.
– I know how it works. – I know, but it’s just
so much… – Jay, welcome to the wonderful
world of sound waves. – It’s just so much worse.
– Hey, does your car radio sound really low?
Why don’t you go ahead and roll those windows up, bub?
– Hey. – You didn’t tell me that,
that’s… – Jacob’s…
– Science. – Jacob’s working–
Jacob’s working for the NRA. He’s going, “Well,
it’s the sound waves that are the problem.”
– I think you enjoy an outdoor range a lot more. – Outdoor ranges are fun.
I’ve done an outdoor range. – I think– I think I would
enjoy that much more too. But whatever it is, it’s…
what’s scary about it isn’t, like… I can get
through the gun scariness. I get it, point it away.
I’m never gonna check a gun, like, looking down
the barrel of it. – Dude, I fucking–
my roommate– – Is this thing even loaded? So I’m not worried
about shit like that. I don’t– I don’t trust
people enough to have 12 other people
walking around. And then, the stupidest response
I keep getting to that is, “It’s a death sentence, dude.
If a guys pulls out a gun and starts going crazy,
like, they’re gonna shoot him,” I go, yeah, what if I’m the guy
next to him that makes them realize
they have to shoot him? ‘Cause he’s blown my fucking
nose off my head. You fucking idiots.
– There’s just brain goo. – What does that mean, he goes,
“No, nobody would do that. No normal, sane person
would ever do that.” You know, like,
the normal, sane people that commit other crazy murders? – When I lived with
my old roommate, Amir, we were living in Tucson,
my friend Paul came over. And it’s an open carry state,
you know, so Paul came over
and had his gun, and he put his gun on the table
and Amir was like… – I thought that means
you can walk with an open beer. – It’s bizarre.
– Yeah, I think it is– open carry is for booze.
What is it, unconceal– what’s it called when you can
walk around with a gun? – Concealed carry?
– Concealed carry? – Unconcealed beer.
– Unconcealed beer. I got a concealed beer. – I got a concealed beer
in this bitch. – I got an unconcealed beer.
But anyways, he came over and put the gun on the table,
and Amir’s, like, didn’t grow up with guns,
and he was just like, “Yo, can I hold the gun?”
And everyone was like… I was like, I don’t feel
comfortable with you doing that. And Paul was like, “Yeah,
let me take the clip out.” And he takes the clip out
and handed it to Amir, and Amir’s like,
“Yo, this gun is nice.” And I was like, Amir,
let me see that. And I pulled it back, and there
was a gun in the slide. – One in the chamber.
– And I was like, Jesus, man. And Amir was like, “Yo, I wasn’t
gonna fucking point it at you.” But he was…
pointing it around. – There was a story
in my high school, where… – But obviously,
he’s an idiot. – This girl was…
I think was dating a guy. – What a good name for a story
about someone getting shot. Do you guys remember –? Her fucking brother got his head
blown off by their neighbor. – No, dude, her brother
got his head blown off by her boyfriend.
– Oh! – In a fucking dumb…
like, guys dicking around with the dad’s gun thinking
they were fucking, like, doing– and they got into an argument
about something. And the kid, like, held the gun
out to him, and I… by all accounts, the kid goes,
“What are you gonna– “you’re gonna shoot me, dude?
I’m your friend. You’re not gonna–” like,
you know, I think it was more of like a, “You’re not gonna
shoot me, you pussy.” And he just shot him in
the chest and killed. Like, kid’s in jail forever,
I think, like… – People forget,
before mass shootings, that was the whitest way
to die by gun, was your friend…
– Dumb friend finding your… – Yeah, a friend going, like,
“Hey, look, you found your dad’s gun.”
Koosh! Like, “Oh fuck, Sean!”
He’s like, “Ahh…” I mean, dude, there was…
– Christine said her dad’s gun was readily accessible,
which is terrifying. – Christine’s just…
(laughing) I’m just imagining
junior homecoming, Christine’s just there
with a bottle of gin and her dad’s…
her dad’s gun. And she’s like… “Okay,
all right. Fuck homecoming.” – I was going different,
I thought she was gonna be like Annie Oakley, and just go
out back and start– one day she came over and her
dad and she has the pi– ‘Cause it was a revolver, right?
– .33-caliber. – So yeah, it was like, piu!
Piu! – Oh dude, Christine’s
a crack shot? – Shooting cans
everywhere, yeah. – I go, you guys wanna
see something crazy? Christine, you got
your gun on you? (making gun sound effects) – With the fringy gloves.
– Yeah. She goes, “My dad… my dad
made me go to this thing when I was a kid.”
(laughs, continues gun sounds) -“I was a champion shooter.
I don’t even know.” – I wish he had taught me
how to shoot. I just really, like, have no… if you put a gun in my hand,
I’d be like, I don’t know. – And how does this go?
– Sucking it. – I always think it’s funny
when there’s like, small skills, like a shooting champion
like that. Like, my mom–
I found out my mom won, um… ping ping championship
when she was like 12. She was like, the Fresno City–
or Fresno County champion. (popping) – Rapid little kids.
– Trish just handling it at 12 years old, I thought
that was so funny. – It’s a hilarious,
but also like, little kids, like, the riding on the sheep. – That’s real big at the
Western stock show, where you go in Colorado. – But a kid who’s really good
at it, who’s like… – …bring that up.
Bring kids riding sheep. – A little kid like…
he’s so– he’s like vibrating. – Football helmets, and just…
and it’s like… Dude, it’s great. – Mutton bustin’?
– Mutton bustin’. – Mutton bustin’, yeah.
– Yeah. – Aw, dude, let’s bring up
some mutton– these kids. – We learned that term
on “Cleveland Show.” – Yeah, look at it. (laughter) – Oh, you’re watching ’em
go bad? – Yeah.
This kid’s eating it. We’ll tweet it out at
the Bonfire SXM on Twitter. – They all ride backwards?
– I think it’s a better grip. – That’s a thing? (all)
Oh! – Dude, that land– these ones,
they’re taking dives. – They’re practicing
karate moves on children. – What the hell?
– Could we do– What is– could we do
a mutton busting equivalent? – A mutton bust?
– You guys wanna ride some sheep?
– Yeah but we couldn’t do sheep. – We could ride
a mechanical bull. – No, no, no, no, I’m talking
about something like this. Look at that,
that kid’s grabbing on. – You wanna see me– you think
I’m scared of shooting a gun. Buddy, wait till you see my try
to get on a horse or something. – Aw. Aw, man.
– Yeah, trample that bitch. Dummy.
– Just feel the pure power of a lamb.
– I know. – The pure power of the leg
of the lamb. – I tell you what
I’m gonna do, Dan. I will ride lamb with you…
– We’re too big. – Those lambs will never
do that to us. – Yeah, we’ll just
pull ’em down. – Try it on someone
your own size, lamb! – We’re gonna look like
D-lineman taking down a small
running back. (grunting)
Slippery son of a bitch. – Just choke it out.
– Slippery son of a bitch. – Give me back my son!
– Where is he?! – Where’s my son?!
– Give me back my son! Yeah, we’ll do mutton bustin’.
– I have so many– we have so many things to talk about.
– We do. – I don’t wanna stop,
but we have to take breaks, we have so many
commercials now, ’cause everyone loves you. – It is “Bonfire,” Comedy
Central Radio SiriusXM 95. I’m Dan Soder,
that’s Big Jay Oakerson. It’s good to be home
in the United States. It’s good to be–
more importantly, it’s good to be back
on the “Bonfire.” – If you’re vaping right now… – Put it down, dude.
– Put it down. We just saved your life.
– We just– there you go. – Or, just might as well
smoke it out, ’cause you’ve already
signed your death warrant. – There you go.
CDC, those dorks in Atlanta, are warning against vaping
after a mysterious spike in lung illnesses.
We’ve all vaped in here. – You see a lot of vaping
in Scotland? – No, more cigarette smoking.
– More cigarette smoking. – There were vapes, but way more
cigarette smoking in the UK than– I mean, I could have
just been in– that was like,
where I was, but… – In a vapeless town.
– In a vapeless Edinburgh. Don’t let vaping in.
We’ll let smoking in. – Smoking indoors in places?
– No, no, no, they were– – Nowhere?
– No. They were smoking
cigarettes though. – I thought it was like
cave people there. I gotta travel.
– You gotta travel, dude. – Is vaping legal in the UK? Because I feel like when
I go to Can– like, you can’t buy ’em
in Canada, I don’t think. – You couldn’t buy, like, Juuls
at like the 7-11 and stuff. Public health officials
are warning– – Would you say they
made them run the Juuls? – Oh, but fucking Quip walk
gets nothing? And run the Juuls?
– You did it with me. – No, I liked it.
Public health officials are warning against using
e-cigarettes and other vaping products
after a surge of mysterious respiratory illnesses that have
been linked back to vaping. The CDC– Center for Disease
Control and Prevention– issued an advisory that
includes the recommendation that while this investigation
is ongoing, if you are concerned about
these specific health risks, consider refraining from the use
of e-cigarette products. So, you got it, light those
cigarettes back up, baby. Time to go back to tobacky. – So, it’s– so it’s not
so much the… – The advisory which was issued
this past Friday notes that as of August 27th…
– It’s the nicotine vapes. – …there were 215 possible
cases from 25 states of lung disease which
may be tied to vaping. Not just tobacco or nicotine. Also marijuana and CBD.
– I wonder how many– And is it mostly
underage people, I bet? ‘Cause that’s what– I was
talking to Isabella about this the other day, she said
there was a couple kids… – I don’t know, in many cases–
– She saw some story– she saw some story–
this is about the exploding. – Oh, let’s talk about that.
That’s fucking crazy. – But Isabella said that
there was something– they were showing– were telling
them at their schools, there was like
two girls in somewhere, they found, like, spots on
their lungs from… – That’s crazy.
– Well, she said somebody died of nicotine poisoning, too.
– Someone died? – Mm-hmm.
– Yeah. – Man, what happened to finding
your dad’s shotgun and killing
your neighbor, right? Sorry, I didn’t mean
to throw… shade. – “Lukigwa.”
– “Lukigwa.” (Gwar music playing) – Um, a gradual start– What are the symptoms?
– In many cases, reported– – You know,
I’m not gonna read it ’cause I’ve already got
all of them. – Including breathing
difficulty, shortness of breath,
chest pain– – Thanks, thank you.
– I’m sorry. Mild to moderate
gastrointestinal, including vomiting and diarrhea.
– Mmm, every day. – You got the trots?
– I feel nauseous and I got the trots.
– You have the– You got the shits?
– Yeah. – No, you don’t.
– Yes, I do, Dan. But yet still I come
to… work. – Aww! “Lukigwa.”
“Lukigwa.” Yah, yah. Yeah, dude, we smoked
a lot of weed vape in here, so that made me
a little nervous. Vaping has became
a nationwide issue. – It’s gotta be
something to do with what you’re vaping though. – My smartest friend Brian, who is a marijuana lawyer
in Colorado– – Just a great thing to say.
– Yeah, he’s– he’s the, uh– he is
the smartest person I know. My whole life. He was one
that I did mushrooms with when I was 16
and he just explained to me what was happening
while we ate the mushrooms, like scientifically. He’s like, the psilocybin’s in
your stomach lining right now. It’s gonna open your retina
in your eye, allowing more light in.
He’s like, distance and shade– And we were 16
and it was happening. – I know, but I bet
if you were like, what is a solar eclipse exactly?
I don’t know. That’s got nothing to do
with getting whacked. – He’s legitimately intelligent. – Also I wouldn’t
like that anyway. He goes, the THC is making
its way into your lungs. It’s filling them.
Filling them with smoke. – You’re dying. – A piece of you
is never coming back. – But what he said about–
when vaping first started, I remember in 2014 when
everybody like got weed vapes in Colorado, I asked him,
I was like, is this bad? And he’s like, well, no one
really knows the science behind it right now.
And I was like, what do you mean?
He’s like, it’s probably not good
for you. And he gave me
a scientific explanation that was over my head
that I was just kind of like, that made me nervous.
And he’s like, yeah, no one knows what
this thing is yet. – You think pumping water vapor
into your lungs isn’t a good idea?
He goes, yeah, or some medical mumbo jumbo
like that. – He goes, anyway, you can read
that on the back of a box. Anyways, you gonna take
this G-bong or what, buddy? I got this deep rock bottle
full to the brim. A good old American smoke. – Hey!
– Shade on the vaping industry. That’s right, vaping industry.
It’s time to throw shade! Look at Gwar!
Look at Gwar! – I wanna be a fuckin’–
like use it as a weapon. – Oh, like “Mortal Kombat II”?
Utah teen will never touch vape again after coma,
lung disease. Oh, God.
– What’s the movie? It might be– I think it’s
“Revenge of the Ninja,” Dan. – Yeah, I’m looking
at this sad– – Where he used a fan
and cuts off one half of a guy’s mustache. – I’m saying,
in “Mortal Kombat II,” one of the ladies had fans. – But more importantly to me,
it’s taking off someone’s half a mustache with a fan.
– More importantly to me… – “Revenge of the Ninja.”
– …it’s taking out Liu Kang or Scorpion or Sub-Zero,
depending on who your opponent chooses.
– Can you find out “Revenge of the Ninja” fan?
– Can you find out “Mortal Kombat II”?
– It’s Kitana. – Kitana, thank you.
– Yeah, I always used her. – There you go, Christine.
And that’s now throwing shade. That’s throwing knowledge.
– That’s good. Yeah. That means Dan’s got the
video game knowledge of a chick. – Bitch, what?
– Work. – Wait. – What’s the name of the game?
– “Mortal Kombat II”. – “Revenge of the Ninja.”
– No, “Revenge of the Ninja.” – That’s not a game.
– That ain’t a game. You think that’s a game?
– It’s a movie. – You think it’s a fucking game? Do you not like our fans
anymore, Jacob? – I like your fans.
– All right. Stop yelling at me.
Are you mad that no scientists have called in
to help your head? – What’s your problem
with fans, dude? – I have no problem with ’em. – You feel better
’cause you never vaped. You’re looking at us
like a bunch of suckers. – I’ve never vaped.
– You fucking– – I’m gonna live forever.
– You wanted to the whole time. – You jerk.
– I’m gonna live forever. – Yeah, you’re indestructible. – Producing an empty room.
– Yeah. – Oh, yeah.
– Everyone’s died from vape. – Yeah, ’cause vaping– vaping
was a good solution at first ’cause you could just do it
in public and not get caught. When you smoke weed,
it stinks. – Yeah.
– It stinks real bad. When you vape,
you can just vape in like the middle of Times Square
and no one catches you. – Yeah, but I don’t know
if it’s– I don’t know if it’s
the concept of vape. – Mm-hmm?
– It doesn’t really seem to make sense to me.
Do you know what I mean? I think it’s gotta be something
in the nicotine packets. – You’re saying in the ones
that are hurting people? – Yeah, I mean,
maybe it’s all of them. I just don’t– I couldn’t get
what the science would be behind like the action
of vaping something… – Mm-hmm.
– …versus what it is you’re putting into your lungs.
– Well, it’s the chemicals, I think you’re putting–
I don’t know. – Right, well, the whole idea
from the get-go was that it was
water vapor only. So is that a problem?
– Water. – Water vapor?
– Water vapor? – Yeah, you know water vapor?
– Oh, we didn’t– – We’ll get to it.
– I had fat particles growing inside my lungs
that were related to the glycerin in vape juice. – Glycerin?
Play Bush, “Glycerine.” – Jacob’s making… (sighs) – (mumbling singing)
– Fat particles in their lungs? – Yeah, that says–
– ♪ I need you tonight ♪ (indistinct chatter) Oh, man, I’m– hold on,
let’s get some Gavin Rossdale while you start talking about
all this glycerin in the lungs. – And here we go.
– ♪ I wish you wouldn’t vape ♪ ♪ Go back to smoke ♪ ♪ I’m talking to you, DJ knew ♪
– ♪ I’m a sexy guy ♪ ♪ Who dances like a goof ♪ – ♪ You big oof ♪
– Did we watch him dance? Yeah, we watched Gavin.
– Yeah, we sure did. – Where is it?
We don’t have “Glycerine”? – We sure as shit do.
– No. – We can’t get it.
– God! This new system blows.
– This is SiriusXM. We can’t figure out
how to play music. – This new system blows.
– Trips me up every time. – That’s why they loop that shit
three months in advance. – Yeah, Christine.
– Oh, you found this, but you never quite found “Revenge of
the Ninja” fan scene? – I can’t find the fan scene, but I did find
“Revenge of the Ninja.” – Jay throwing shade. – (mumble singing) – ♪ You can’t smoke inside ♪ ♪ You can walk outdoors ♪
– I guess long story short, don’t vape.
– Don’t vape or else you’ll get this in your lungs. You don’t
want this in your lungs. Glycerin?
– She said, so then my lungs were full of fluid.
They said that my chest X-rays were one of the worst
they had ever seen. It seems like inhaling
water vapor would give you pneumonia
or something. – Science.
– Isn’t the whole thing like fluid in your lungs? – I don’t know, professor.
You tell me. I don’t know.
– ♪ To wonder why ♪ (echoing)
♪ Everything all right ♪ (mumble singing) – ♪ Fatty deposits on my lungs ♪
– ♪ In your lungs ♪ ♪ You’re smoking me up
and I’m slowly killing you ♪ – ♪ It’s this mint
chocolate chip flavored vape ♪ – ♪ Have you ever had
orange sherbet? ♪ ♪ I’m wheezing a lot ♪ Well, don’t vape.
So there it is. – Don’t vape, everyone.
– We stopped vaping. – Jury’s out.
– We stopped vaping in America. – So are we just never
quitting smoking now? – Nope, because
you’re rippin’ butts. – Glenn in California
is saying the companies put trash into those vapes.
Remember the lead they used to put in Chinese toys
way back when? Yeah, I used to eat those. – Oh, my God.
My favorite snack? Oh, you mean my childhood snack? – When he says trash–
Well, I’ll take the call. Hang on.
You got it? You guys got it
or you want me to get it? Glenn in Cali, what’s up, buddy?
You’re on “The Bonfire.” When you say– what’s up, buddy?
– Right on. – Right on, right on.
– When you say trash into these vapes, what do you mean? Just like just junk chemicals
and shit? – Yeah, just junk chemicals. You know these like,
like, okay. Some of ’em,
like Juul and whatever, they’re probably
pretty reputable, and all the companies
that do the pot, all the marijuana stuff,
if you get it from the actual, uh, store
that is legal to sell it, you’re probably okay. But then again,
it also could just be the metal that they use to make
the vaporizer itself, ’cause that– that’s a little
iffy too, right? – Yeah, so that’s true, I never
even thought about that. You really are sucking
on like that metal that doesn’t get hot somehow.
– I feel like if I worked with Glenn and we had
this conversation, I would go home nervous,
you know? – Yeah.
– If like Glenn and I were smoking a cigarette
and it was like, did you hear Rory’s out
’cause he was vaping? And he was like,
I heard they put garbage in it. And then I’d drive home
and my wife would be like, Dan, are you okay?
I’d be like, I don’t know, man. Glenn really got in my head.
– It’s saying the vape flavors can make nasty new chemicals
in your e-liquid. Yeah, I can only assume
the flavors– And then also people
will get them from– I know people who like
order like overseas. They get ’em ’cause you can get
like a case of it for– – You want Cherry Hennessy
from North Korea? – I mean, no shit,
yeah, really. – What a terrible flavor!
– Yeah, cuttlefish. – Yeah, cuttlefish.
They go, oh, man, you can try all the flavors over there.
It’s like Japanese Kit Kats. And they just have like
the different ones. You ever had
ketchup flavored vape? – Yeah.
– (groaning) – Green tea salmon.
– Oh, or my personal favorite, horseradish chocolate.
(laughter) Like, God,
I love the black market. What a fucking awful thing–
– Bacon peanut butter. He goes, I don’t wanna
fuckin’ vape that. – Why am I vaping that? Have you ever vaped a–
– Salsbury steak. Just flavors
that are just fucking gross. Succotash.
– Banana potpourri. (laughter) Then you go, ugh!
I don’t want any of this. – Starfruit.
– Oh, dude, you gotta try my new– yeah– cod. – Cod.
– I have cod vaping– – Fried haddock. – Oh, get in there. We got some good vape. We have cold steel. – Oh, pickled pig’s feet for
the southern gentleman in you. – Oh, okay.
– You ordering for a southern gentleman?
– If you are a– If you have any Inuit blood,
we have blubber flavored. – Blubber?
Flamin’ blubber. – Which you can order
in over 50 different words. – An extra flamin’ blubber. – Look at us throwin’ shade. – Who’s breaking our fan first?
– Me. – ‘Cause you are zangin’, man.
– Comin’ in hot. I’m lettin’ that chopper sing.
– I finesse. I finesse.
(indistinct) But I do a little pull back so it gives it a little bounce,
you know what I mean? – Oh, yeah, I get it.
I just rip it. Grip it and rip it.
– Grip it and rip. Um…
– Yeah. You smoked– what did you smoke?
Juuls? – Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but I’ve always had fat lungs. – Mm-hmm.
– It’s no big deal. It’s a little sweat
runnin’ down your balls. – Aww!
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! – Ding-ding-ding-ding!
– I want one right here and right here.
– I love that sound. (both)
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. – I want one right here
and one right here. Ding-ding-ding-ding. – You gettin’ those dings,
Delores? – What’s her name?
I don’t know. Alcoholic meth mom. ♪♪ The insult for that’s always
like, hey, Jay, your friends are here.
I hate that. That like hacky insult. – Look at this awful lighter
I have. Why do these still exist
in there world? – What, those?
– Yeah. – That company should’ve gone
bankrupt years ago. If you buy one those lighters,
you’re in a bad way. You’re in a real bad way.
– Or you wanna do the thing where you take off the top
and make it like a blowtorch. You’ve done that before, right?
– Yeah. Should we do that?
– Yeah. – (scatting melody) This is after the episode comes
out where we said Larry Nasser was part of NWO. You wanna do it?
– You’re gonna break it. – I think it’s broken.
I think it was born broken. – What?
– That can explode if you don’t do it right.
– You can do it? – No, I just know
it’s gonna explode. – You just wanna scare
the shit out of us? – I’ve never seen that ever,
and now it’s scaring the shit out of me
you said that. – You’re just gonna pull it with pure brute strength? – I was going to.
– Someone watching these videos is like,
I know how to do that, and they’re mad
we don’t know how to do it. Oh, get it.
You had it. Come on. Man, you never leave
8th grade. You never, you know?
You think you grow up and you pay taxes for 20 years
and you’re like, I’m still a fucking
8th grader. – I wanna make
this flamethrower so bad. – Witzki, you don’t know
how to do this? White Lou?
Bro, dude, get up under there. You wanna double-team it?
– Yeah, dude. – You wanna fucking
run a train on it? – Get in there.
– Fucking get it. – Get over that sticky lip.
– Oh, yeah! Ohh… this is
back of the bus fun. Oh, watch out.
This is some fuckin’– it gets real right now. – Uh-oh. – Watch out. Do it.
Do it, Doug! (coughs)
Dude. Yeah! Aww! Welcome to the pyromania
that is “The Bonfire.” That’s why we named it
after fire. It’s why we like fire. – Fire.
– Fire. (heavy metal music) – Yeah. (music stops) (laughter) Dan Soder! Oh, bam.
– Uh… (heavy metal music) (music stops) Dude, this girl’s stink face,
looking at us recording, is the best.
– Right there behind? – Yeah, she’s just
like this… (heavy metal music) Aww!
– Whoo! (music stops) – I feel like you should be able
to do a backflip over. – Darn it.
– Do it. Oh, let me do it.
Let me light your– oh, yeah. (heavy metal music) Only good use for that lighter,
right now. – You go… Aww, I think we killed
all the– – Yeah, you drained it. – You drained it, puss.
– Oh, dude. I get a lot of puss. (heavy metal music
starts and stops) – Have fun.
– It’s done, dude. – It’s not done.
There’s so much in there, dude. As long as the tube’s in it. – Someone jump over this. Oh, dude.
– Gotta lower it a little bit. (heavy metal music)
– Ooh. (music stops)
Ah, hold on. I got it, dude. – They will explode.
– Shut up, Christine. You make this un-fun
when you say shit like that. – I’ve had it happen. (heavy metal music)
– Yes. – Lower it more.
Even more. Yeah. – Yeah!
– Ha! Fire!
(music stops) (scatting melody) ♪ It’s “The Bonfire” ♪ – ♪ It’s “The Bonfire” ♪ – (scatting melody)
Dude, oh, dude– – Watch Dan put it out
with his hands. – Dude, I don’t need you to make
me look like Mel Gibson in “Man Without A Face.” I’d just fucking get
half melted. (heavy metal music starts
and stops) Aww. – You get one light.
– Oh, yeah. Do your camera tricks, dude. (music resumes) (music stops)
I wonder if you can slow down those frames and make it do– ♪♪ (laughter) (groans) – (imitating slow motion speech)
No, that’s not right. – I don’t feel like
we’re getting any love in this courtyard right now. – No, we are the assholes. – That crazy guy
took all the love. – Yeah.
– What time is it? – We can walk.
We have no Bev today. We could do a smoke break
in the studio. Imagine that. – Could you imagine that?
– I can’t. I just remembered that a camper
gave me some edibles in Rochester and I’m gonna
eat ’em tonight. Thank you, fan. You gave me some
Sour Patch Kids. I still remember you.
I’ll never forget you. Go around the corner.
– Had to say good-bye to it.

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