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Buying a Handgun (Live) | Foil Arms and Hog


Right, get in here. Yeah. Were you followed? No I wasn’t followed. Did you bring the money? Yeah. I brought the money Okay. So what do you want then? Rifle? Shotgun? M16? I’m looking for something a little more discreet. Who’s the target? He’s an actor. An actor? Yeah. I think I have the gun you need… right…. here. The handgun. It’s just your hand mate. Yes, it is, and to any normal citizen. It’s completely harmless. But to a trained actor… It’s literally just your f&*$ing hand. That’s the beauty of it. Its light. It’s easy to conceal. and it gets through any airport security scanner. The handgun. Yeah, I brought actual money here today. You’re gonna need a demonstration. Bring em out! What’s going on? Where am I? I thought we were alone here. Unhand me you knave. Who the hell is this guy? Professionally trained in one of Dublin’s overpriced acting schools. Our perfect victim Richard Shandley III pleased to make your acquaintance. Now let me go you rapscallion Quiet Richard! Ah, Ah, Ah. You… You bastard! Now witness the awesome power of the handgun. No no please I beg thee. Please! Bang. Bang Bang. Bangedy Bangedy bang bang. Peeow Peeow Peechikow The light it fades on this beauteous day So much I never got to do. I never got to see the sun set on the Indian ocean. I never got the chance To repay… My student loans. Mother? Is that you? I’m coming to you now. Cold. Brrrrrr… So… So… Cold. Richard! Sorry. Jesus You didn’t tell me he was that good. Yes, would you believe he was in an episode of Emmerdale. Wow Wow, that’s, that’s a huge role Yeah, it was massive, he played… A… Bush. A bush? Bush No. 3 I know it well yeah. Wonderful. When the car goes by and the bush just goes… Yes. And some leaves fall off cause it’s autumn time. And that plays in well to the storyline. And then they zoom in and it’s actually a man in a bush Yes. And he got arrested as a result Yeah yeah. Because he’s not wearing much clothes. And he wasn’t in Emmerdale. No. Will we go back to the script?? I think so. Yeah yeah lets do that yeah. We did reasonably well with that bizarre narrative. Yeah Why don’t you try the gun? Ok yeah… There’s one. Okay, so I just point it? Yes that’s the general idea. Do your worst young fiend for I shall live… Forever. We’ll see. Sorry I’ve never really done this acting thing… So eh… Bang… Sorry bang… What the hell was that?? That is absolutely pathetic acting. I said “bang”. You promised me the role of a lifetime. I’m sorry Richard. I refuse to work with an amateur. I’m doing my best here. I want to talk to my agent. BANG! Very good Bang, Bang. The blood It drains. from this mortal body. I have not long left. upon this earth Before I go I wish to gaze upon my love one last time May I transport myself back to my youth In the green fields of Leixlip It was an office romance like no other. But where is she now? If I could only gaze upon her one last time My one… My only. My… Bríde. Oh Bríde. You’re here at my last My heart swells with a joy like no other But please before I slip this mortal coil I beg of thee A dying man’s request Bríde please my love. My one and only. A kiss. I’m dying! I’m dying! I’m about to die. Bríde? My love! Oh Bríde My Darling My heart swells with such emotion. I die A happy… Happy… Please sign the release form for the cameras Man! It does take a long time to work Yes that is one of the drawbacks. How much is it? The gun itself is 3000 which might seem expensive but it does come with a free case You know what? I’ll take it. Fantastic, let me just draw up the paperwork For free. Buddy be careful where you point that thing You could hurt me I’m involved in community musicals. Bang. Ahhhh… Bang Bang. Ahh…… Peow poew peow poew peow poew…. Ah ah ah ah ah awwww… You’ve… Killed me. You’ve killed me. I’m going straight to the grave. You’ve killed me. You’ve killed me. I’m going straight to the grave What have I done to deserve the grave Hey hey, I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I’ll do it!! Doomdah

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