I had a weird obsession with.. I had a weird obsession with..
with GUNS when I was a kid I loved GUNS! In second grade I would draw like.. Every single gun in GoldenEye64 in my notebook Just scare the shit out of all my teachers “Uhm, why don’t you try drawing
something nice, like a rainbow or a bunny rabbit?” ‘Yeah, I’ll draw a fuckin’ bunny rabbit!’ ‘I’ll draw a goddamn bunny rabbit with a ‘I’ll draw a goddamn bunny rabbit with a
SWEET-ASS AK-47!’ ‘What do you think about that?’ ‘Yeah, nice try, lady! I’m fuckin’ gun crazy, okay?!’ I got a gun lunchbox I got gun pyjamas I got fuckin’ Gun toothpaste Now, along with all that stuff
I had a complete armory of toy guns! But my friend David, he had
the best toy gun collection I’ve ever seen in my life! He had fuckin’ metal ones that were all lifelike! With the fuckin’ serial number filed off of them And at the other end of the spectrum
was my friend Michael Who had the shittiest guns knows to man He’d have.. like a.. broken squirt gun Or a fuckin’ eavestrough A fuckin’ stick in the shape of a gun
that was his favourite It wasn’t his fault though, he had a stepdad So all of his family’s money
went towards Marlboro reds Or.. Natty Light But anyways what we would do with all these toy guns Is we would play a game, called Guns You might’ve called it Cops & Robbers
or Cowboys & Indians We just called it fuckin’ Guns! Everybody would pick their own character “Okay, I’m gonna be James Bond!” “I’m gonna be Walker Texas Ranger!” “I’m gonna be Scorpion from Mortal Kombat” “Well, you can’t be fuckin’ Scorpion from Mortal Kombat!” “He’s a fuckin’ ninja, Michael!
That doesn’t make any sense!” “I’m gonna be.. Bill Goldberg!” “Bill Goldberg is a fuckin’ wrestler!..
Fuck it, be Bill Goldberg, I don’t care!” And after that I’d make up a story,
that would go along with our characters “Okay, I’m gonna be the grizzled fuckin’ veteran cop..” “.. That’s had enough and he’s about to retire” “You’d be the rookie with a big chip on his shoulder” “And you be the serial rapist!” “Just.. RAPE RAPE RAPE all day long!” And we’d just run around in the neighbour’s yard,
shooting at each other, fuckin’ screamin’ shit “GET HIM! GET THE RAPER! GET THE RAPER!” While the neighbours peeking out of their windows And we all would make our own noises
for our guns when we’d shoot them *BANG-BANG!* *BOOM-BOOM* *Fuckin’ fully automatic eavestrough m4a1* And that’s how we’d play all day
we never knew when it would end But I can tell you how it would end every time “I fuckin’ shot you Michael!” “NO YOU DIDENT!” “I SHOT YOU!” – [Michael] No-oh, no! you missed!
– [David] Lay down, I shot you in the head! – [Michael] You missed, you weren’t even close to me!
– [David] Lay down! – [Michael] THAT DOESN’T COUNT!
– [David] I FUCKIN’ SHOT YOU GOD DAMN IT! – [Michael] You missed, you totally missed me! – [Michael] Son of a bitch! *WHOOSH-THWACK!* *Child crying* Eh, fuck him!
Let’s go play Sega Genesis!