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Brewstew – Airsoft Guns

Alright, I was a big fan of airsoft guns when I was a kid If you don’t know what an airsoft gun is
Well, it’s a plastic gun that kinda Bridges the gap between the nerf gun
and the semi-automatic rifle It shoots little plastic BBs
And after about a week Your whole house is littered with them
Your dad’s dumping them out of the toaster Your sister’s digging them
out of her ass crack You just go around, shoot a bunch of holes
in all the lampshades I was the first kid on my block
to get an airsoft gun Run around to show off to everybody
They’re all mesmerized “I could conquer the whole
goddamn world with this thing!” My buddy David literally took it out of my hand
and he was like: “Ah, sweet! This it sweet!” *cocks the gun and shoots* *weeping* “David, what the fuck?!” It was my turn to shoot Michael in the face
It was a bit of a trendsetter, I’ve got to say Because like a week later
every kid on the block had an airsoft gun They didn’t even have a normal
airsoft guns, like I did They had those fucking
battery-powered M16 tactical shit Fully automatic,
get shot in the face 30 times in 4 seconds Hold up a damn minute, Jesus,
I’m using this stone age piece of crap My shit looks like
a Happy Meal toy compared to yours Michael’s over there,
he doesn’t even have an airsoft gun He’s like, shooting BBs
through a fucking straw, like it’s a blowgun He’s wearing his puffy-ass winter coat
in the middle of July as body armor There would always be somebody out of ammo
trying to call a timeout – Wait, wait a minute, timeout!
– Bitch, there ain’t no timeout in the airsoft Get home with a bunch of red welts
all over your body like somebody gave you a smallpox blanket I eventually upgraded my arsenal,
threw my handgun out and purchased a big ol’ sniper rifle Thing’s bigger than my entire body
Big ass scope on top of it Like I was gonna assassinate a public official Sure I didn’t shoot fast like the other ones
but the thing had some power My friend’s hiding behind the car and shit
I just shoot through the fucking car The first week when I got that rifle
shot my cousin in the back The following weekend
we had a close casket funeral for him Now, on one particular day
we were playing capture the flag And it’s important to note at this time
they didn’t put those big ass orange tips on these guns, like they do nowadays to let you know it’s a fake gun, nah.
They’d just dab a bit of orange nail polish on the end of that bitch and call it a day And that kinda makes it a little hard
for your neighbours to determine if you’re outside playing or if you’re
committing an act of domestic terrorism “Yeah, hi, 911? There’s a child with a deer
rifle and he’s running amok in the streets” So I’m sitting there at my base,
which is David’s front yard I’m peeking through my scope, like I’m
about to put Lyndon B. Johnson into office And I’m on the lookout for David.
Now where’s David at? Well, David has ADHD, so he’s not
at his base and his not at my base Hell, I don’t even know
if he even knew he was playing at the time Probably forgot all about it,
chasing a butterfly and shit David decides to walk to
one of the busiest streets in the city And wave around what looks to be
an automatic assault rifle in the air Well, imagine David’s surprise,
when about 4 seconds later Goddamn paddy wagon
pulls up in front of him Bunch of cops pile out
they’ve got their guns drawn on this completely oblivious, attention deficit child I wasn’t there, I was around the block
waiting to shoot David in the teeth with my Kennedy killer But I bet that
turd in his pants was massive! It didn’t take them long to figure out
that David’s gun wasn’t real Luckily he wasn’t massacred
on the street right there and then They loaded his ass in the back of the wagon
Like a wild animal that he is And they pull up to the front of his house
Now, I was there for this part And I can say for sure
that the turd in my pants was massive! One cop get’s out and he’s like:
“Put that goddamn rifle down!” So I throw it like the gun was on fire
David comes out of the back of the truck looking like a shitty Dennis the Menace cartoon “The hell do you think you kids are doing?” “We’re just playing!” “Why is that kid wearing that puffy-ass coat
It’s 94 degrees outside!” David’s mom comes running out
like they’re filming an episode of Law&Order Instead of getting a chance to meet Ice T
She’s got to deal with this bullshit Now, the cops were really cool
about this whole shitty situation They gave David’s mom
our arsenal of plastic weapons And they’re like: “Well, we could’ve murdered
your kid and got away with it, but uhh..” “Well, we didn’t, so you’re welcome.
Why don’t you give them a wiffle ball bat.. “..or some shit to play with instead,
Jesus Christ!” So the moral of the story is Don’t be a fucking idiot
waving a weapon around in the street! Special thanks to:
Geoffrey Mayer Special thanks to:
Ryan Earles Special thanks to:
Steven Meekel Thanks for watching this shit

49 thoughts on “Brewstew – Airsoft Guns

  1. When you tell your friends about toy guns and the pistol you got (next day) hey we got new guns WTF battery powered m16 tactical shit

  2. An airsoft gun can be made of polymer metal or other plastics and can be powered be a battery gas or co2 (no offense)

  3. 1:23

    Parents:well he got chicken pocks again

    Me:no I just got shot by airsoft guns

    Parents:that explains why you have red welts all over your face

  4. You: Shoots Fake Gun With Fake Bullets Kid Across The Street: AHHHHHHH Calling Cops Cops: PUT THAT GUN DOWN RIGHT THIS INSTANT! Checking Gun Oh.It's Plastic. You: -Totally Mortified

  5. Canโ€™t believe you murked your own cousin what kind of lunatic gives a kid an air soft gun they can kill someone with that

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